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UnNews:City Council Might Not Care

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Tuesday, October 25, 2022

Sunday Papers Podcast host urges you to rub his belly.

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA -- On Tuesday, the Los Angeles City Council voted no on a $5 million proposal that would have funded eighty new affordable housing units and transitional housing beds. According to an official statement by city officials: "We don't give a shit."

The housing effort comes as twenty more units already in the pipeline are cancelled. According to the Give-a-Shit report assembled and presented by Sunday Papers Podcast (a weekly news program that breaks down supposedly-important news stories and adds context) there was a ten-fold increase in We-Don't-Give-a-Shits from 2018 to 2019, with a total of 240 units not receiving building permits. "It's as if the city government doesn't give a shit," says host Greg Fitzsimmons.

During a Monday press conference Deputy Mayor Rosemary West announced: "Today, we bring forward a deliberate, unthoughtful, and overall unwise shift in strategies to refocus our plentiful city dollars toward fewer, permanent, and less affordable city housing." West was accompanied at the conference by High Council member Joseph "Razzle-Dazzle" Stalin, Mayor pro tem "Happy" Himmler and former council member Ivan "The Terrible" Tooz. While leaving, West was heard calling to the people accompanying her: "Tea at my house at three! You're all invited!"

Victims said the projects are examples of leveraging city money with state and federal funds to help build unaffordable housing instead of temporary housing for the poor. "Ya THINK?" retorted Tooz. He and Himmler were seen slapping one another on the back and laughing.

"The more we build housing at expensive levels, including no permanent nor supportive housing, the more poor people cannot find housing," observes Fitzsimmons.

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