UnNews:Bush declares war on terradactyls
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
25 July 2007
Washington D.C., U.S.A. –- President George W. Bush announced a further security crackdown today with the announcement of a new "war on terradactyls."
At a press conference on the White House lawn, President Bush said: ‘No longer will we tolerate terradactyls terrorizing our towns and cities, carrying off our children and generally making a nuisance of themselves.’
The terradactyl’s headquarters are believed to be in a secret cave network in Afghanistan although it is feared some of their number may have slipped into the United States unnoticed.
To counter the threat the President further ordered that New York City, a prime target for terradactyl attacks, be immediately covered in high tensile netting as a defense against attacks from the air. Christened the “Net Of Steel” by experts, the structure is scheduled for completion in late 2008.
Amidst concerns that the new security measure might disrupt air travel a Federal Aviation Authority (FAA) spokesman claimed the impact would be minimal, ‘A lot of people aren’t flying right now for fear of terradactyl attacks,’ he said ‘international visitor numbers are also down as most foreign nationals are criminals who won’t come to America because the FBI will catch them.’
Silent Bob, Brontosaurus Professor of Paleontology at Bedrock University said: ‘These creatures have been around for millions of years, do you really think a bit of netting is going to stop them?’
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Dr Strangelove "How I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb" Atlantic Monthly, July 24, 2007