UnNews:British student discovers "new dinosaur"

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

15 November 2007

HI KIDS!

LONDINIUM, Brittania -- A British student has described how he apparently discovered a previously unknown dinosaur species during a trip to Amsterdam. Kyle Smidgeon said how he saw a "strange looking purple dinosaur" whilst sat in one of Amsterdams famous coffee shops, drinking a mug of "special tea" and eating a bag of fresh mushrooms.

An excited Mr Smidgeon described the day that he made the discovery, "my friends were smoking cannabis but I don't do illicit drugs, after all what would Jesus say? You see, I get permanently high on The Lord Jesus's unconditional love."

"Anyways, on my friends recommendation I accepted a cup of some special herbal tea and a lovely bag of wild mushrooms, which tasted a bit like rabbit poo. It was after my 12th cup of tea and 6th bag of mushrooms that I spotted a huge purple dinosaur (a huge sauropod roughly the size of a fully grown diplodocus!) emerge from the toilets. Well to say I was excited is an understatement. I went to get my camera but to my dismay it had turned into an obnoxious little elf-pirate. Not only that but all my friends were now a field of huge, lamenting daffodils who were frantically trying to swat a swarm of giant locusts away from them whilst pontificating on the state of the modern world."

Undeterred by the strange turn of events Kyle decided to follow the purple dinosaur as it left the coffee shop, "I followed the sauropod to the train station where it boarded a train to Rotterdam. Unfortunately I realised that I had left my arms and soul in the coffee shop so was unable to purchase a train ticket to follow him".

Mr Smidgeon, who is currently training to be a Police Community Support Officer, continued: "I spent the next five hours doing nothing but trying to look at my anus without the aid of a mirror before I saw the dinosaur again."

"It was up my arse!"

Unfortunately Mr Smidgeon was unable to provide any hard evidence of his discovery but a spokesman for the Natural History Museum expressed his own excitement at the discovery, "I assume this man is taking the piss?"

Sources

• AAAGGGGGIIIIEEE "don't ... move ... a ... muscle" ROOOOOOAAAAOOOOOOAAAAR!, November 15, 2007