UnNews:Bimmerforums attack Audizine
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
16 September 2006
THE INTERWEB -- Audizine.com, a website and forum for people who live and breathe the Audi brand, was viciously attacked by an internet terrorist group who call themselves, "The Audi Haters". According to sources, this terrorist group is only a small cell within a much larger network of terrorists who plan to seek and destroy any Audis, and Audi related materials.
Audi owners today live in fear; as news of this attack on Audizine.com has Audi owners paranoid to drive their cars. According to reliable sources, this attack is only one of many that the terrorists have planned. Their ultimate goal is to eliminate all Audis on the road, and for the owners of all Audis to burn and die in hell. These so called terrorists are apparently victims of what they call "Audi'd", which is a psychological disorder that occurs when one driving a less superior automobile is left in the dust of the Audi. Dr. Mike Hunt, a professor at Johns Hopkins University's Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences has been researching this disorder for the last 52 weeks. According to the professor, the only way to avoid this disorder is to pull over and hope the passing Audi doesn't embarrass you too much.
Currently there is no cure for this disorder, the symptoms of this disorder may include; confusion, depression, sleep problems, drug craving, severe anxiety, weight loss, erectile disfunction, myopia and sudden change in moods.
BMWs FTL! They allow their owners (who live in perpetual penis envy) to project the image of a well hung, affluent and intelligent gayman. Unfortunately, the truth is that the vast majority of BMW owners are hung like a fungus, sleep with their mommies and dream about doing dear old dad.
Bimmerforums deny the truth and have asked Tom Cruise to become their new spokesman, helping them to shed the commonly held belief that they possess diminutive pee pees and assist them in their entrance into the church of Scientology.