UnNews:Ariel Castro: I mock your concept of God

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
UnNews Logo Potato.png This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

2 August 2013

After his arrest, there were rumors that Ariel Castro was Fidel Castro's TV repairman, but this turned out to be a weak pun.

Notorious Ohio kidnapper Ariel Castro, whose crimes led to a video meme involving a black man who talked funny, has mocked one of his victims' concept of a God-based justice system.

Michelle Knight, 32, wept as she told him: "You took 11 years of my life away and I have got it back. I spent 11 years in hell. Now your hell is just beginning. I will overcome all that has happened, but you will face hell for eternity."

Castro replied, "No, I will be here, probably till I die, and that's it. There is no eternity, there is no hell. I laugh at your sky-god."

The monster continued, turning to the public gallery: "I believe that this is the only life we get, which explains why I spent 11 years fucking three fine, young-ass bitches any time I wanted, and also why I put glasses on during the trial and claimed I was sick, because I didn't want the death penalty.

"I now intend to spend the rest of my life making the best out of prison, and getting ahold of pornography whenever I can."

The judge presiding over the case, Michael Russo, sentenced Castro to life imprisonment plus 1000 years, to which the former bus driver said, "You dumb fuck. Ain't nobody live for 1000 years. I'll be dead sooner or later, and you know what? I bet I got more pussy than you ever will."

The judge, visibily affected by Castro's words, said, "May God have mercy on your soul," to which Castro replied, "There AIN'T NO FUCKING GOD! THAT'S WHY I DID THIS SHIT!"

Sources[edit | edit source]

See Also[edit | edit source]