UnNews:Argonauts between a rock and a hard place
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
29 June 2011
SYRACUSE, Sicily -- Captain Jason of the Argo says 'we're well on course' after a recent encounter with formidable female monsters in the Strait of Messina.
Speaking from the shattered deck of his ship and throwing entrails of lost crew members into the sea, Captain Jason said the recent passage had been a 'bit rough' but that Argo was a robust vessel and that anyway, the recent visit to Lemnos had been a lot worse as 'the women there had washed for years'.
I admit it was touch and go so when Heracles spotted the Merkel on the starboard side trying to eat our oars. So when the even more scary Largarde popped up her head above the waves and feasted on some of my sailors, I thought this myth is going to end very badly (and quickly) . Luckily we prayed hard to our friends at Olympus and Poseidon, the God of Disaster Movies rose from the deep and helped us through...though I am not sure what he promised the monsters in return but at least the rocks stopped shaking
The Argo is currently on a mission to locate the Golden Fleece, a magic coat that has the power to restore Greece to the black and pay off your mortgage. The last known map reference for this fabled treasure was said to lie somewhere in Europe, just outside Frankfurt. The Argonauts were sure they had the right co-ordinates as given to them by a couple of passing harpies.
Jason also said the Fleece had 'other powers' but was reluctant to be more specific. He said all the world had to do was to trust the Greeks to find the right solution.
The journey gets a lot rougher from now on but the Argonauts are determined to help our country. We will return to Athens with the Golden Bailout..er..Golden Fleece nailed firmly to our masthead. If not, look us up in Bermuda.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Staff "Greek ship rides out two headed storm" Daily Telegraph, June 29, 2011
- Staff "Good news about a golden sheepskin coat." Christian Science Monitor, June 29, 2011