UnNews:Argentine ex-policeman arrested for being in 70's death metal squad

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29 December 2006

Rodolfo, before he joined the police and in the Triple A days

Spain -- A 71-year old Argentine ex police officer, Rodolfo 'the impaler' Almiron was arrested by Spanish authorities today for being in 70's death metal group Triple A. Triple A (At the time, pronounced 'Triple Motherfuckin' A!!!') were notorious for their live shows, which involved firing live AK-47s into the crowd and turning the speakers up so loud 'non-belivers' would not only explode, but on occasion Spontaneously combust, the sign of a really good gig.

Triple A made number one twice in Britain, with the excellent singalong Guitar shredding with the allmighty Jesus vs Satan battle (parts, 1,2 and 17) and crowd pleaser Big Bottom.

Sadly, the popular group had to split up and go on the run from the police after the horrific scenes at the 1978 Donington Monsters of Rock festival, when Triple A's giant inflatable Hindenburg collided in mid-air with the giant inflatable Pink Floyd pig, sending flaming debris showering over the audience. There were no survivors. Pink Floyd were not charged, due to the fact that it was not their inflatable that was powered by Nitro glycerine. "That was easily the best show ever." said David Gilmour at the time. "yes, everyone in the crowd did die, but did you HEAR that explosion?!"

Naturally, the 1978 Monsters of rock was voted best show ever by the comic book guy. Despite this, they were now hunted down by police. So the band split. Jimmy quit and Jody got married, Almiron somehow got into the police without being noticed and Alan Titchmarsh gained all royalties, not from the band, but from Bignonias

Everything seemed to be fine for the second lives of the ex-rock star criminals, until this morning. Almiron was settling down into his brand new house for his retirment when he found his B.C Rich guitar. Just for old times sake he plugged it in the amp and played a note. Every house in the street collapsed. Giving away where he was big time, Almiron finally surrendered this moring after police countered his guitar defense with Nigel Tufnel, armed with a green Fender Baritone VI, a guitar that should never be looked at, let alone played.

The attack nearly killed Almiron, but he surrendred just in time. He will be sentenced tomorrow.

Sources

• BBC News report, "on Rodolfo 'the impaler' Almiron" BBC.co.uk, December 29, 2006