UnNews:Another goth killing! When will it end?
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
17 April 2007
VIRGINIA TECH, Virginia, Monday — In another example of appalling devil-worshipping Satanist carnage, a goth has shot up the Blackburg campus of Virginia Tech, killing thirty-three students and then himself.
"It's obvious he was a goth," said Police Commissioner Donut, "from his ... ah ... white ... vest. And he was Korean as well. And a gamer. That proves it."
Republican strategist Mike Murphy was quick to comment, noting the incident proved once again "we need 'goth control,' not 'gun control!'" Charlton Heston announced a series of NRA talks to be held at the campus next week.
Several jocks from your school have been seen chasing anyone wearing black shouting about how "yo' shot our sweet Jesus!"
When asked for comment, Marilyn Manson was quoted as telling our reporter to "fuck off."
