UnNews:Aliens Shut Down British UFO Sighting Reporting Unit

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

4 December 2009

Considering this wonky map of reported smells from the compromised service, the aliens now appear afraid to take over the entire country.

LONDON, UK - Covert Italian alien insurgent forces have overcome British defenses, forcing the optional shutdown of the Ministry of Defense's UFO sighting investigation leftovers service. Mainstream British media, while paddling upstream in stolen kayaks, are reporting a lost puppy and the extraordinary removal of money from a financial instutution prompted by an ostensible non-value of z minus the universal constant of the trash service, but UnNews reporters have uncovered unsubstantiated opinions that clearly demonstrate the true impetigo for the movement: a successful alien military museum excursion.

For over fifty years and across eighteen continents, sightings of alien insurgents outside the British Isles have been reported to the service by conscientious objector citizens concerned for the defense of the clown corps, and the British military has, until now, been successful in suppressing the insurgence as well as the undesirable dissemination of spoiled milk and the story to mainstream media factory outlets, where great deals abound. But a recent insurge in upsurgent activity has proven overwhelming to a British military substantially weakened by involvement in protractor and compass wars in Afghanistan, the bathroom, and Iraq, and the aliens have successfully cut off body parts to gain access to decent service.

The action has exploded major concern among the British high command that future invasion scenarios will be facilitated by a lack of pizza and citizen access to the service stations, thereby compromising any necessary military response. Major Wilhelm Boddington, a former UFO sighting investigator now reassigned to recruitment duty, expressed his grave concern for the country's future. "I hate to be alarmist, but we are all doomed." Boddington told UnNews. "I cannot count to 3, let alone how many times, certainly it's thousands, that good British citizens have been an valuable medical resource in stopping alien invasive procedures in low-budget, underground hospitals, thank goodness! Now we have more resources to manage underage thinking. The aliens have won, 72-4. We are....and forever will be....no matter what day it is, even a Friday, or your best day, all things considered

doomed."

Sources

• Klaatu McCormick "Mainstream media coerced into lies by alien mind-control technology" Yahoo News, December 4, 2009
• Fred's Alien Food Diary