UnNews:AVG Antivirus detects Microsoft Windows as a Virus
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
11 November 2008
North America, USA, California, Silicon Valley
This is Captain Obvious reporting for UnNews again. The popular and free Czech Antivirus AVG by Grisoft today has identified Microsoft Windows as a virus with a trojan backdoor in it that steals CPU cycles and slows down the machine. The file detected as a virus is the user32.dll that contains the Microsoft spyware that phones home to Microsoft to tell if your Windows version is legit or not, what software you have installed, and contains that NSA Backdoor (Since Windows NT 4.0 by order of Bill Clinton and continued by George W. Bush for domestic spying).
Microsoft claims Windows is not a virus, that it is a bug. Pay no attention to obvious Communist free Antivirus programs and trust their Antivirus program they bought out from Giant Software called Microsoft Windows Defender that while it misses 75% of the viruses out there, it is reliable anyway and does not detect user32.dll as a virus. Microsoft recommends to upgrade to Windows Vista to avoid the problem, but you can only do so by buying a brand new computer, as it won't run on your old computer without issues.
Apple has been quick to respond to tell Windows users to take their Windows PC to their nearest Apple store and trade it in for a down payment for a Macintosh computer to avoid the issue.
GNU Dirty Hippies say, just chill out and install Linux instead, but don't WHINE when it won't run your latest Windows Games, but do WHINE to the game developers to support Linux in their latest and greatest games.
Pirates laugh and state that Windows XP Pirate Edition has no such problem as they removed user32.dll and replaced it with a rewritten version free of any virus code at all.
After receiving a cease and desist letter from Microsoft's Lawyers, Grisoft reversed their announcement and claimed it was a bug in the AVG software and just update the Antivirus program and it won't detect user32.dll as a virus anymore. But for those who had user32.dll removed, well sucks to be you. Just use System Recovery, wait you disabled it? You fool! Get the XP install disk and boot into "repair" mode, what you fool you lost it? Ok ok, chill out, hit F8 while Windows is booting up and choose "Safe Mode Command Prompt", and then type in:
copy C:\Windows\System32\dllcache\user32.dll C:\Windows\System32\user32.dll
Then reboot.
What it didn't work? Don't have the install CD either? Well Microsoft says for $129 they will sell you a new Windows XP install CD with a new CD-Key because you just broke the EULA of the old Install CD and CD-Key by modifying a Windows file and are now forced into buying a brand new copy.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Peter Norton "AVG Removes Critical Windows user32.dll file as a Virus" Security and the Net, November 10, 2008
- Ted O'Reilly "Is Windows a Virus?" Windows Annoyances, November 10, 2008