UnNews:25-year-old 'cannot download any more apps'
Friday, August 22, 2014
Twenty-five-year-old intern Greg Riley has told UnNews he has "app fatigue" and can no longer download applications for his telephone or tablet.
"I can't... fucking do it... any more," Riley told us. "Ten years ago, I just used to like open my browser and go to the page. Now every last website asks me to download a 10mb application, allow it to see my contacts and messages and God knows what else, and so I have like 100 applications on my homepages."
Riley told us that having to download apps for every webpage he cared to visit was taking its toll on his personal life. "Just to kind of appease myself I made FUCKYOUBITCH1234 my default password for any kind of unimportant account, but once when I was signing into the MLB app my girlfriend asked me a question, and I accidentally said it out loud to her.
"That was a horrible day - I lost my girlfriend and I had to change my passwords for security reasons."
Sociology professor Joanna Corey told us that it is not yet known what effect this will have on us in the future, but added, "The average 16-45 year old has 4 passwords, 3 private questions, and 9 codes memorized.
"There is a good chance that, when we are vegetating in the old folks' home in 50 years, these are the things we will be repeating over and over again, to the bemusement of our holo-nurses."