UnNews:10-year old math prodigy just realized Santa can't eat all those cookies
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
Tuesday, November 12, 2024
NEW DELHI, INDIA - To get started with the eventual Christmas season upon us, where Christmas will be everywhere in the coming days including real life and on the screen (which we rightfully take away from the Jews every November obviously) we talked with Indian prodigy Ishir Bhatt, who had solved calculus problems at 2 years old and had solved one of the Millenium Prize Problems last year at age 9. As we were talking about being in the festive spirit, we had exchanged some banter about Santa Claus.
"So, you believe in Santa Claus?" saaid our reporter Derrick Cardiff.
"Oh, of course."
"You're joking?"
"No."
"Ishir, you solved calculus problems and you don't know that Santa Claus isn't real?"
"Santa Claus IS real, what are you talking about?"
"Ishir, how can Santa eat all those cookies and milk in one night?"
"Well- um.. uhh..."
"It's been nice meeting you." and as Cardiff reached his hand to shake Bhatt, he stood up and left, leaving him downcast and also hanging.
Ishir Bhatt's lawyer, John Orange, had this to say about the altercation.
"We're sorry for Ishir acting up. We currently have him tied and we're going to force-feed him some pills to make him feel well."
"Aren't these pills bad?" said our other reporter Jane Itali. (We have two reporters, donations have been going great lately)
"No, the only side effect is just that they might become smarter than any other man on earth."
UnNews is now calling 911, because I'm not trusting these shysters with a lick of my life, so let me just call them right now....
WHAT? I NEED TO PAY?
NO, FUCK YOU VERIZON!
Wait, did someone record that?
Cut the tape! Cut the tape!
