UnNews:“Facebook stole my face” student claims

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28 July 2007

Shocked victim Edith Catfelcher this morning (Image Copyright Murdoch Garbage Photographs, Inc. All Rights Interred)

BOSTON, MA. U.S.A. –- A furious Harvard University student today accused social networking site Facebook of stealing her face.

Edith Catfelcher, 21, an undergraduate at the Harvard School of Bioengineering and Medieval Tapestry told our reporter: “When I went to bed last night I definitely had a face. This morning I looked in my bathroom mirror, only to discover my face is now a white box with a blue question mark in the middle.”

After further investigation, Catfelcher discovered her face is now the property of a part-time rodent exterminator from Oxbridge, England, whose name the student declined to reveal.

A spokesperson for Facebook told UnNews, “Unfortunately, due to the runaway success of our site we are seeing increasing cases of face theft which we have little power to prevent. We take our responsibilities seriously and advise users not to give details about their faces to anyone not personally known to them.” The spokesperson added, “Blue eyed blondes with elfin features are particularly at risk and should take extra care.”

Last week, Facebook responded to widespread condemnation by removing the 20,000 users of its site whose names appear on the Facial Offenders Register, a nationwide list of ugly people who are forbidden contact with average to good-looking members of the general public. This minority is believed most likely to steal faces in an attempt to appear more attractive to the opposite sex.

Silent Bob, a rhinoplasty and facial reconstruction specialist at Boston’s Bride of Wildenstein Hospital commented, “In my practice I see an increasing number of victims of face theft seeking treatment. I would advise people to always wear a paper bag over their heads when logging on to the Interweb.”