UnNews:"Where is the love?" asks stud stallion

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

8 August 2006

Screw this: Hip Service takes a break between insemination jobs yesterday.

PAKENHAM UPPER, Australia, GNN (GOANNA NEWS NETWORK) -- Porterhouse Stakes-winning stallion Hip Service had been looking forward to being put out to stud after a long and decorated career on the world's racetracks, but two years on he is heartily sick of the daily bump and grind.

"I was buggered by the time I'd finished racing," Hip Service said yesterday. "My fetlocks were done in and I was getting a split hoof and I thought being put out in a good paddock with a few dirty mares would be a good payoff for it all."

Things changed once Hip Service realised what would be required of him - copulating with up to 10 mares a day six or seven days a week.

"It was fun at first, the whole dirty, anonymous thrill of it - I usually don't know their names and often I don't even see their faces because they're tethered head-first in the shagging stall - but after a while I began to feel really empty. And I'm not just talking about my nads.

"There's no nuzzling, no galloping through picturesque mountain streams together. Where is the love?"

And Hip Service's ordeal doesn't end with traditional intercourse.

"The worst part is when the humans masturbate me so they can send my semen overseas," he says. "I'm no prude, but I don't go in for that inter-species stuff. I think it's sick.

"Actually, the glue factory is starting to look pretty good these days."

Sources

• Bruno San Martino "Is that a baseball bat?" The London Proctologist, Aug 8, 2006

Further reading

The Great Bookie Robbery and Ferret Gunk Heist