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> kill the Xenomorph with the slaxe-chucks
As you unlimber the awesome Slaxe-Chucks, your awesomeness combined with the awesomeness of the almighty Slaxe-Chucks cause the Xenomorph to come under the delusion that you are SOMEONE MUCH, MUCH MORE AWESOME THAN CHUCK NORRIS AND MR. T COMBINED come to kill them all. They all fall back, totally astounded by the silver-white rays of almighty coolness and awesomeness coming from you and your weapon. They surrender faster than a French combat unit, leaving you with the Unobtanium crystal right in front of you. Everybody else is locked in combat with Goombas, Koopas, Stormtroopers (Nazi and Star Wars), Decepticons, Grues, the Covenant, the Axis of Evil Doers, facehuggers, Xenomorphs, Yeerks, Vogons, dinosaurs, sabre-tooth tigers, giant squids, cowboys, Indians, Indian cowboys, Conservatives, YECs, terrorists, LUEzers, cybernetically enhanced barnyard fowl, more Grues, Eurgs, Republicans, the French, ninjas, pirates, Ninja Pirates, Stephane Dion Vehicons, other evil non-transforming robots, Predators, suicide bombers, men in black, Bob the Builder and his crew, spammers, those guys that e-mail you Viagra advertisments, the Seperatists, the Yuuzhan Vong, Cobra, Wikipedia editors, Encyclopedia Dramatica editors, Japanese movie monsters, catgirls, Pokemon, anti-Eurgs which are acutally more Grues, giant prehistoric insects, mad scientists, supervillians and those bug robots from Samurai Jack.
As you rush for the crystal, you fail to notice a squadron of Daleks coming up behind you. Ironhide does that wicked flip he did in the movie, blowing them all backwards. "Go!" he says. "I can handle this!"
> run
You are the only one that can destroy the crystal.
> "Well, I'll destroy it!"
Oh yeah, did I mention that the crystal was guarded by a company of Grues?
> "Dammit!"
Did I also mention that Grues are too stupid to be impressed by awesomeness or coolness? Hey hey, what can I say, they're GRUES. Were you expecting rocket surgeons or brain scientists, maybe?
> "Dammit, dammit, dammit!"
The Grues steal your
slaxe-chucks and then... do what Grues do naturally.
> "Come on, just get it over with..."
Explode from your light sourcess.
> "WTF?"
> look
There are slaxe-chucks on the ground, and the unobtainum crystal you need to destroy.
But wait! A voice speaks to you... (it's that crazy old hermit who gave you the pot of gold at the start!) and he tells you that the unobtanium crystal is actually the Stone-Like from Ikaruga, which is controlling all of your enemies in the first place. The only way to destroy it is to dodge its barrage of fast-paced attacks for about half an hour. Any longer and that golf ball behind you will disintergrate your ass.
> WTF do I do now? *sob*
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