Thurston Howell III
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|---|---|
 Son of a ... | |
| Born |
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| Nationality | Islander |
| Occupation | CEO of Howell Industries, LLC |
| Religion | Illuminated Luciferianism |
| Spouse(s) | Lovey |
| Children | Gilligan Howell |
“I loved Thurston Howell like a brother. More than a brother. More like a sister. Sisters who get it on with each other. Over and over again. In a mud-filled coffin in the basement of an ‘exclusive’ all-male fraternity that you will never get into. With all our little frat brothers applauding. Bitch.”
“Mr. Howell: I want to say one word to you. Just one word. Gilligan: Yes, sir. Mr. Howell: Are you listening? Gilligan: Yes, I am. Mr. Howell: Satanism. Satanism and buggery. Gilligan: Just how do you mean that, Sir?”
Thurston Howell III is a jaded, Über-rich Plutocrat and International Man Of Mystery rumored to be behind some of the most nefarious plots and Cabals of the 20th Century.
The Howell Family in America[edit | edit source]
The family name was originally "Bean", descended from Sauney Bean, a Scottish convict transshipped to Georgia in 1711.
The Howells entered the rag and bone trade, migrating to New England where they settled in the town of Innsmouth, Massachusetts. There they made a fortune in the slave trade from Africa to the Caribbean. After the slave trade was outlawed they moved into war profiteering and smuggling. This began the family's long association with the shipping industry. The family owned a fleet of clipper ships engaged in the China trade of Opium shipping. During prohibition they increased their wealth by providing high quality European alcohol to the mafia.
The Howells maintained and expanded their vast wealth, continuing the family tradition of war profiteering during the Civil War, Spanish-American War, WWI, WWII, Korea and Vietnam.[1]
The Howell Family today[edit | edit source]
Today Howell Industries is a major world-wide player in oil, pharmaceuticals, weapons, banking and eugenics. Howell Industries is proud of the fact that it is known world wide for War profiteering, rain forest destruction, slavery, heroin and cocaine trafficking, and green energy production. Howell Industries pays no taxes as all profits are laundered offshore. The company maintains headquarters in the Cayman Islands and Abu Dhabi.
Education and early life[edit | edit source]
Thurston Howell III was presumably born, somewhere. His early life is shadowy, but he is known to have attended Harvard University and to have been a member of an exclusive male-only final club at Harvard. Thurston Howell also rowed crew on the Harvard Team and has since continued his interest in boating. He is a member of every exclusive yacht club on the Eastern Seaboard of the United States. He flies the Skull and Bones flag on his yacht. He served in a Navy; however, records showing which Navy have been suppressed. He is believed to have been a successful submarine commander and to have been personally decorated by the Fuhrer.
It is thought that it was during the war that he formed his close association with "Skipper" Jonas Grumby. It is also believed that immediately after World War II he was instrumental in assisting "Professor" Roy Hinkley [nee Rheinhardt Hinnkler] to enter the United States as part of "Operation Paperclip".
Disappearance[edit | edit source]
Following a series of indictments for Tax Evasion, War Profiteering, Treason, Felonious Mopery with Intent to Creep, Malicious Bonehawking, Insurance Fraud, Barratry, Buggery on the High Seas, White Slavery and Narco-trafficking, Mr. Howell was last seen telling associates he and his wife were embarking on "a three-hour tour".
Law enforcement authorities have unsuccessfully sought Mr. Howell in Guatemala, Costa Rica and Bolivia. He was long rumored to be holed up in a Las Vegas Casino hotel, occupying an entire floor and surrounded by his faithful Mormon bodyguards, but that has never been verified.
See also[edit | edit source]
Notes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ Thurston's father secretly represented Nazi banking and shipping interests.