The Veloso siblings

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Let's just say they are very close...
"His face may be ugly, but those lips - mmmmmm! And that bod!"
"Os Doces Bárbaros" in the 1970s.
Bethânia in all her candomblé glory

“I will discard whoever did not pray the novena for Dona Canô.”

~ Maria Bethânia on being very loyal to her mom

“I never went to a nightclub wearing a dress! Neither did Gilberto!”

~ Caetano Veloso on not being gay

“He is not an actheist! That donsent eczsist!”

~ Padre Quevedo, a silly priest, on Caetano being an atheist

Caetano Veloso and his youngest sister Maria Bethânia are Brazilian singers. Both are rather eccentric. They have a sister (Mabel Velloso), a niece (Belô Veloso), and a nephew (J. Veloso), who are also singers, but nobody cares.

Caetano Veloso[edit | edit source]

Caetano Emanuel Viana Teles Veloso was born 7 August 1942 in the city Santo Amaro da Purificação, in the state Bahia, in Brazil. He was the fifth of eight children born to Claudionor Viana, best known simply as "Dona Canô" (a.k.a. the well-loved one, or well-bedded one), and her husband José Teles Veloso, known as "Seu Zeca" or "Seu Zezinho", or just plain "Seu Z". To this day we have no idea why. Dona Canô is well known for exactly two reasons: she was the Veloso mom, and she lived to the age of 105 (although some dispute her birth certificate and claim she was 110 if she was a day).

Caetano Veloso started his career in the 1960s with a group consisting of himself, Bethânia, and two friends, Gilberto Gil and Gal Costa. They were collectively known as "Os Doces Bárbaros" (The Sweet Barbarians). At that time there was a military dictatorship in Brazil. This was a bit troublesome, because Caetano was something of a leftist, and started a new wave of music known as Tropicalismo. So the government, for lack of an actual reason, and not understanding what is this "tropicalismo", exiled him to Britain in 1969 along with Gilberto Gil, who intensely lobbied to be exiled just so he could ride on one of those double-deckers. Asked later about his experience, Veloso said, "I was scared because I didn't know anyone in England, spoke no English, and thought they would all have more teeth than advertised, smell like fur, and laugh at me in front of my back." As a result, in 1971 (and we are not making this up) Roberto Carlos released a protest song called "Debaixo dos caracois dos seus cabelos" (Beneath the curls of your hair). Possibly as a result (or not), Caetano and Gilberto were allowed back into Brazil in 1972, although Gilberto had to be dragged in kicking and screaming.

Later in his career, Veloso became well known for being angry. If you go on Youtube, you'll find various videos, practically a meme, titled "Caetano Veloso puto" (Caetano Veloso pissed off).

Although the last couple of music videos he's made might put doubts upon his sexuality, Caetano Veloso has been married two times. His first wife was the actress Andrea Gadelha, known as Dedé. They were married from 1967 to 1983 except for a week in 1975 when they pretended they didn't know each other. They had a son, Moreno (born 1972), and a daughter, Júlia (1983), who lived only a few days. Nobody cared.
The second wife was some chick named Paula Lavigne. This marriage lasted from 1986 to 2004. They had two sons, Zeca (born 1992) and Tom (born 1997). Not to worry, Caetano and his second wife still work together.

Lazy fact #32554658: You didn't bother to read any of this, did you? (Trust me, Wikipedia's article is even more boring.)

Maria Bethânia[edit | edit source]

Maria Bethânia Viana Teles Veloso was also born in Santo Amaro, on 18 June 1946, sixth of the eight siblings. The fascinating story of her name goes like this: When she was born, her parents could not think of a name for her. Luckily, Caetano, then four years old, had a song stuck in his head... and it was called "Maria Bethânia". They have been extremely close ever since.

Bethânia is also known as Abelha-rainha (Queen bee) for the same reason that Simone is known as Cigarra: it is the title of one of her most successful songs. Also like Simone, Bethânia borrows songs from Roberto Carlos, the best-known of these being "As canções que você fez pra mim" ("the songs that you made for me," although this title makes absolutely no sense). Fans have, for reasons unknown, contrived a rivalry between the Queen Bee and Elis Regina, although she and Gal Costa both agree that Elis Regina was more awesome. (No word on what Elis Regina thinks; she died in 1982.)

Maria Bethânia has never been married, but this does not prove that she is gay, either, because she has not been known to have girlfriends, and may in fact be more of a virgin than Hebe Camargo. However, she is apparently in love with the (bisexual) singer Francisco Buarque, known as Chico.

As a firm adherent of the religion known in Brazil as candomblé and in Cuba as santería, she is usually seen wearing a white dress, and an image of a saint on her necklace. (Incidentally, this kind of necklace is called a scapular. I have no idea why.)

A gay-ass video of Caetano[edit | edit source]