The Tweenies
“Those corrupt bastards! I heard that once Fizz had a crap in the toaster.”
“I can't believe that Fizz's mummy accused me of emptying the tub of chocolate spread into the toaster and wasting messing the toaster up when all along Fizz had done a crap! I cleaned the toaster out for her but not before saying that the chocolate spread looked like crap and it deserved to be wasted, she said to me that the chocolate spread was not crap fine to eat and I wasting time money by not wasting it but I'm right so I spread'n'slice Mummy's crap...HA!”
 | This article may be Overly British |
Early life[edit | edit source]
The Tweenies were created when a crazy scientist mixed the DNA of every known evil creature in the universe to create the ultimate race. After harnessing the power of lightning to create them, the scientist eagerly watched as five creatures shambled out of his machine. They were truly things of horror. Bella, leader of the creatures, advanced upon her creator. It seems that by mixing together every evil animal, the scientist realised that he had unwittingly created pure evil, and as such he was murdered and eaten by the things that called themselves 'Tweenies'.
The Tweenies continued to follow their lust for killing across Europe, Asia and America, leaving hundreds of victims in their wake. Milo, the pervy one with purple skin, liked to play tie up with young girls whilst Doodles, their domestic animal, watched. Not even the other Tweenies knew what Doodles was: he claimed that he had grown from a single molecular life form found on a meteor many thousands of years ago. Jake, the retard of the group, suggested that they move to England in the search of more souls to harvest. He then proceeded to bang his head against a lampshade, probably due to the fact that he is a retard. The others agreed, and the next day they flew to the United Kingdom, eager for blood.
The TV show[edit | edit source]
A short while into their visit, Fizz came up with a crazy scheme to ensnare more kids into their diabolical plans. They would host their own children's TV show, displaying a false sense of security on air but secretly preying on the adolescent fans' backstage. Milo asked if there would be tie up involved. Bella said there would. And so it was agreed, The Tweenies went on air to a wide reception. Their on-screen antics involved hitting each other with spades, slagging off Doodles for his blatant obesity, and humming annoying tunes. Jake was once caught licking wet paint in the studio. He also tried to touch himself with a smelting iron, before running out into the Tweenie garden screaming 'The butterflies did it! The butterflies did it!'.
Paedophilia and other criminal acts[edit | edit source]
A conversation between Milo and a backstage-pass seven year old boy would be as follows:
“Would you like to come into my room for some cocoa?”
“You smell funny, Milo. What's that in your hand?”
“Why, that's a dildo. I made it just for you.”
“My daddy says I shouldn't talk to you any more. He says you're a bad man.”
“Well you're daddy ain't here now! Now come on, strip! Do it slowly, relish it.”
“Why are you doing this, mister?”
“Because I like it! Now you've got a backstage pass, and I'll guarantee that you'll see ALL of Milo tonight.”
The conversation would abruptly end at this point as Milo drags the little kid into his dressing room. The boy in question will on his suit the next month. Milo is most definitely a mother fucking asshole.
The Tweenies\Fimbles war[edit | edit source]
Around a year or so after the Tweenies show made its debut, another prime time TV series began to grab the attention of young viewers across the country. A new breed of creatures, called the Fimbles, were attempting to counter the Tweenie Movement. Looking like obscure drawings from the hand of a mental patient, they consisted of Flimbo (crack addict), Florrie (arsonist) and the much-maligned Baby Pom (possibly even more retarded than Jake). Their shows copied the material of the Tweenies, including the infamous episode where Flimbo got busted for storing two thousand pounds of weed in his suit. In reataliation, Milo snuck subliminal messages into footage, warning children not to be lead away from his arch enemies. Eventually, the young audiences of both shows split in two over arguing which characters were more entertaining. The Tweenies\Fimbles war ensued, with thousands dying on both sides. Fizz attempted to assassinate Baby Pom during broadcasting, but failed. Little kids tore each others throats out and drank the blood of their enemies, desperate to prove their side's superiority. The war came to an abrupt end after only half a year, when an army of Teletubbies fanatics brought the war to Teletubby Land. Many lives were took, mostly the giant oversized rabbits in the hilly land. The war ended eventually when the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse arrived, destroying Teletubby Land. The survivors left the dead and went on with their lives. All scorned children were healed by the Four Horsemen and hypnotised into believing the entire war was a month-long crossover television special.
Conclusion to the War[edit | edit source]
Several months after the war had ended in Teletubby Land that saw the end of the Tweenies, Fimbles and Teletubbies, most of the survivors continued on with their lives or started a new. Bella died during the final climatic battle, all of her blood sucked out of her by the vacuum cleaner known as Noo-Noob. Her body was used as a melee weapon by the remaining Fimble characters, and then burnt by the Horsemen.
Milo, the purle-faced bald Tweenie, survived the fight. He became a plumber working in the backstreets of London, but soon quit this job upon learning his best friend and huffer, Jake, had also survived. Jake had been shaken by the war, and was put in an asylum for several months, but he left eventually. Living in a dumpster, he shaved off his crazy hairstyle and renamed himself Dotman after his alter ego. Milo helped Jake and they lived together in a small closet in the remains of the BBC Television Centre. Jake eventually died after trying to eat a mousetrap. Milo has since become a goat farmer in Northern York on England, smoking weed and his own hair.
Fizz, being one of the youngest, fell into a coma and was in hospital for a year. She eventually woke up out of the blue and murdered half the staff in the hospital with a deadly version of the Tweenie Clock, now a spinning blade saw. She escaped arrest and spent several weeks as a prostitute, but gave that up as well when one of her clients was revealed to be an undead form of Judy, a Welsh child carer who died during the war. Fizz lost her mind as well and began the "Fizz Massacre".
Elderly gent Max was revealed to actually be the scientist who created the Tweenies in the first place, revived using their DNA. He was very faithful to the Tweenies during the war, but triumphantly died when he crashed an fighter plane into the side of Roly Mo's cave, blowing up after of the Fimble's playgarden in the process.
Doodles and his mate Izzles, who was created by Fizz and Bella during an ass-raping session with the dog, both survived and now live together in Buckingham Palace where they have a growing family of mutated spotted Corgies.
The Fimbles seemed to suffer worse endings. Fimbo died after eating poisoned Crimble Crackers. Florrie survived, but lost her virginity to a crazed tramp and now works in a library somewhere in Essex. Baby Pom was finally killed by Fizz during her massacre, running her down with her baby stroller. Rockit, the insane hyperactive frog, lost his bounce and spent the rest of his days sniffing coke and using his legs to clean windows on high buildings. His legs were eventually amputated when he was run down by a car. He took his life by strangling himself with his tongue. Roly Mo, the friendly mole storyteller, still lives on. He was the only survivor of the war to get help in life, eventually leading on to star in his own show, the Roly Mo Show, with his annoying niece and two retarded ferret things. Bessie, the chicken lady survived at the cost of her baby chick, Ribble, who she tossed into a minefield to escape across unharmed. She now lives alone in a house full of pigeons, armed with a shotgun.
The Teletubbies all survived, but Tinky Winky was assassinated for apparently being homosexual.be reported missing, then presumed dead. No trace of Milo's deeds are found, apart from a small white stain
The Fizz Massacre[edit | edit source]
Around four months after the end of the war, Fizz, who was in a coma in hospital and awoke. Wanting blood, she quickly turned the salvaged Tweenie Clock into a deadly powersaw weapon and began killing all the hospital staff. Oddly, no patients were harmed, as Fizz referred to them as "her kind". As the police entered the hospital to capture Fizz, she escaped out of a window and ran off into the night.
A nationwide hunt began for Fizz, who had begun going on a random killing spree every night since her escape, and was referred to as "The Fizzler". During her massacre, Fizz successfully killed her rival, Baby Pom, with a baby stroller. Fizz also killed several minor celebrities, none worth mentioning. When Fizz nearly took off the head of the Queen, the people at Number 10, Downing Street, sent out the world's best assassin - The Legendary Oscar Wilde. He chased Fizz across the United Kingdom, until she eventually ran into Milo in Scotland. Fizz tried to hide out with him, but she soon learnt he was a sheep shag and so left. With Oscar Wilde on her tail, Fizz decided to try and jump countries or die trying. She died trying. But it was not Oscar Wilde who killed her, but someone launching a faulty snowglobe at Fizz's head, killing her instantly. Milo, Doodles and Izzles were the only ones to attend Fizz's funeral, but on October 31st, 2007, Fizz's grave was found dug up and her body missing. The only catch was, it looked as though the grave was dug up from the inside.