Syfy
Syfy, formerly known as the Sci-Fi Channel and SCI FI, is an American cable television channel run by geniuses, mainly Ron Moore and Glen A. Larson, which is like a god unto television viewers. One such viewer, Languatron of Worth, IL, writes: "SyFy is the best. I get moist just thinking about them." Former SyFy prexz Bonnie Hammer has appeared in a number of Playboy pictorials, as she is the sexiest woman who has ever lived. One viewer, A. Fullen of the Chicago area, writes "This is not just a group of genetically engineered android alien super death lizard executives. They are top drawer. I especially love Glen A. Larson. Why? Because he makes me moist."
The channel is well known for providing its viewers with the absolute highest quality low budget monster/disaster movies and fake, low budget wrestling. Their "original" movies typically depict some sort of genetically modified reptile, a super weapon, or a genetically modified reptile with a super weapon or is just a lower budget rip off of an actual better movie.
The Name Change[edit | edit source]
The SciFi name change caused widespread confusion when rumors spread that "SyFy" is pronounced "siffy" and is a reference to syphilis. The SyFy channel attempted to rectify the problem by saying that it was pronounced like "SciFi". This statement lead to mass confusion, as the American public was unable to understand how a name could change but could still be pronounced the same way. Shortly thereafter, there was a massive spike in suicides, which the SyFy channel insisted were unrelated.
From it's inception until July 7, 2009, the "SyFy" Channel was called the "SciFi" Channel, a name that well represented the aims of the channel. Top executives, who are giant mutated dinosaurs armed with black hole guns with a taste for alien zombie flesh, decided on the change after reading the notes of their founder, who used shorthand to write "SciFi", instead calling it "SyFy". The executives were all drunk, high, or a combination of the two, and thus decided that calling it the "SyFy" channel would be the best method expanding their audience. The executives reasoned that perhaps they could trick the populous into watching the SyFy channel, since it didn't have "Sci" or "Fi" in it's name, which stand for "Science", and "Fiction", respectively. Due to the natural phobias of any American citizen (which, of course, include a fear of both science and fiction) this actually worked for a time, until the public began to realize that the SyFy channel didn't show reruns of Jon and Kate Plus 8, at which point they began to slowly draw away. The SyFy channel needed a new plan.
The SyFy channel is rumored to be switching the programming from it's traditional Sci-Fi line up to something the general public will enjoy. The line will most likely include mind rotting trash, documentaries of urban culture, art shows, intense political debates , real life cop dramas, and total crap written and directed by some crazy guy, J.J. Abrams, who thinks he can write Science Fiction.
Jon and Kate Plus 8 Mutant Zombie Lizards[edit | edit source]
The answer to the SyFy channel's problems was clear: the creation of Jon and Kate Plus 8 Mutant Zombie Lizards, a show in which a buff egotistical karate expert and a scantily clad female she-lizard must defend themselves against an army of eight mutant zombie lizards, which are armed with powerful, enchanted blades of doom. The American public quickly fell in love with the show, and photographers followed the mutant zombie lizards on their way to school. The show fell apart, however, when it was uncovered that Jon was dating an evil enchantress behind Kate's back. Kate responded by biting off Jon's legs, making his defense against the zombie lizards pitiful at best. After the mutant zombie lizards gleefully devoured Jon, Kate fell quickly, giving the show a temporary boost in ratings, followed by a dramatic drop as the show no longer had a plot.
Syfy Original Movies[edit | edit source]
In fact, Syfy has a long history of creating first-run features.
| Title | Debut | Genre | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|
| Fright Truck | Oct. 31, 2003 | Romance | Directed by Tim Burton |
| Ghost Tornado | Jan. 14, 1999 | Horror | Unofficial sequel to Gone With the Wind. |
| Rape Tournament | April 23, 2006 | Martial Arts/Chick Flick | Co-produced with the Lifetime network. |
| Santa Goes to Hell | Dec. 23, 1998 | Holiday Special | Only film to ever win via popular demand the Academy Award for best picture. |
| Nero En Fuego | Ides Martias MCMXCVIII | Pellicula Biographiae | Semper ubi sub ubi. |
Sharktopus[edit | edit source]
On 10 February 2010, SyFy announced on Twitter the original movie Sharktopus had begun production. (Models) Almost immedately, saps who believed 2012 doomsday predictions began panicking about sharktopus attacks.
