The Neo-Cons

This article is about the 1960's band. For the Neo-Conservative ideology, see Neocon.

The Neo-Cons were an early rival to the Beatles comprised of John Ashcroft, Paul Wolfowitz, George H. W. Bush and Ringo Charr.

History

Beginning

In 1961 a young Alex Jones had just finished his album Sgt Pepper's Repressive Cops Club Band when he went to talk to an old Gypsy fortune teller who warned him of the rise of a Neo-Conservative lead government, and all that it would entail. Shocked by this vision of the future, Jones went back home to begin planning how to stop these events from taking place, eventually coming to the conclusion that the only way to kill the Neo-Cons political chances were to get them involved in show business.

After investigating the Neo-Conservative movement, Jones selected four major Neo-Conservatives for his project: John Ashcroft, Paul Wolfowitz, George Bush and Dick Cheney. Conveniently, Ashcroft was already involved in his own band, the Unskilled Laborers, and was a good friend of Wolfowitz. Jones then introduced Bush to the other two, and he quickly was accepted into the band.

Jones then arranged for Cheney's entry into the band. Under his management the Unskilled Laborers changed their name to the Neo-Cons and secured a record contract. However, in order to secure the contract, the band had to replace the band's drummer Pete Mandelson with someone more experienced. This vancancy gave Jones the opportunity to have Cheney, then using the stage name Ringo Charr, join the band in his place. The record company manager was not completely convinced, but was eventually scared into agreeing under threat of being shot in the face.

The NeoConMania Years

The new lineup's first single, I Hate You, was a minor hit. While their have been multiple explanations for why this was, it is generally agreed to have been because the song's title was perceived to be directed at the potential buyer's pet. The band changed their strategy to write songs that would encourage people to buy their albums. After a failed experiment in subliminal messages, the band released their next single under the title Please Buy Me. The album shot to #2 on the charts overnight.

Because, for unknown reasons, the band was based in Britain, Jones began plans to have a American release of the Neo-Con's works on an album entitled Meet The Neo-Cons (and buy their records). The record was a huge success, and a phenomenon known as "NeoConMania" overwhelmed America as Neo-Conservative doctrine actually became popular in America. Initially Jones was worried about this, but he eventually came to the conclusion that the fad would eventually go away. When it failed to do so, Jones decided to crash the band's popularity by having them undergo a massive genre change.

The Silly Years

At Jones's request, the band began to take heavy quantities of drugs and beer before their brainstorming and recording sessions. The intention of this was to insure that the band would start making silly songs that made no sense and thus destroy themselves. Indeed, the Neo-Con's subsequent album, Revolving Door (buy our records) was filled with such ridiculous songs as Flying Submarine and Submarine capeable of time travel. The band's popularity, however, continued strong, as it seemed that people actually liked the new silly songs.

At first, Jones began to consider having the band killed, but eventually realized that there was no need, as the new "Silly" craze that hit the world had superceded NeoConMania. With this knowledge, Jones did notihng to further inhibit the band as they released what has been generally regarded as their greatest album, That Guy's Band. The album was a massive success, even without the aid of a call the buy the album in its title.

Later Works and Breakup

After the release of That Guy's Band, the Neo-Cons were overwhelmed by problems. The legnth of time it took to record the album led to some in the press to ask if the band had passed their creative peak. Even worse were the rumours that Jones has assassinated Wolfowitz an d replaced him with a clone.

The greatest problem facing the Neo-Cons, however, was a breakup in the friendship between Ashcroft and Wolfowitz. Ashcroft was increasingly distracted by his girlfriend Ann Coulter, who encouraged his more eccentric ideas for songs. The result was their next album, the bizarre "Grey Album" which left critics baffed and confused. It was quickly retitled Buy the Grey Album in order to insure good sales, but the band was falling apart.

In a desperate attempt to revive the band, Jones and Wolfowitz arranged for a special recording session for a project that was titled the "Good Luck" sessions. It was there that pressures between the four members began to reach boiling point as Wolfowitz and Ashcroft constantly fought each other while the contributions of Bush and Charr were neglected. The breaking point occurred when Charr figured out that Jones advice that began their "Silly" craze was a deliberate attempt to destroy them and shot the band's manager in the face.

Without Jones, the band quickly collapsed. Wolfowitz officially announced the band had broken up the next day.

After The Breakup

The band's new emergency manager, Dr. Dre, handed the recordings from the Good Luck sessions to rapper 50 Cent with instructions to make some sort of album with what they had produced. The end product, Let it Be or Die Trying, was a rap album that many, including Jones and the rest of the band, felt went against their original intentions for the recordings.

Any hopes for a reunion of the band were dashed by the members's successful re-entry into politics after being thrust into obscurity by the Rolling Stones, who had been created by Leo Strauss for the purpose, and the original Beatles themselves.

Discography

Main Article: The Neo-Cons Discography

Albums

• Please Buy Me (1961)
• Neo-Cons for Sale, (Please Buy Them) (1963)
• Meet The Neo-Cons (and buy their records) (1965)
• Revolving Door (1967)
• That Guy's Band (1968)
• The Neo-Cons (or the Grey Album) (1969)
• Let it Be or Die Trying (1970)

Singles

• I Hate You (1961)
• Please Buy Me (1962)
• I Want To Shoot Your Hand (1964)
• Who? (1964)
• You've Got to Hide Your Love for Gays (featuring Rev. Pat Robertson) (1965)
• Don't Think for Yourself! (COINTELPRO Remix) (1965)
• Come Back! (1966)
• Got to Get You Into My Sights (1966)
• Cheney in the Sky With No-Bid Contracts (1967)
• Back in the N.A.U. (1968)
• Everybody's Got Something to Hide, Especially Me and My Flunkies (1968)
• Why Did We Let John Ashcroft and Ann Coulter Record a Song Together? (1968)
• L.E.T. I.T. B.E. (1970)