The Eventual End of Uncyclopedia
The Eventual End of Uncyclopedia ("the pocky clips") refers to the end of the famous content-free encyclopedia that you are reading right now. The precise date of the wiki's demise is unknown, but experts agree it's a good idea to be prepared nonetheless.
It is a question that comes up from time to time: What is the true purpose and when will it end? Fortunately, most people reflexively stop thinking about it (progressively severe headache) at least temporarily.
Millions of scientists predict theories and fail with them. But which theory will be the one? Which one?
Preparation[edit | edit source]
Get a pan, and put it on your head. Then put on a hockey mask and then put on snow gloves. After you've done that, huddle in the nearest corner with your laptop (if you don't have a laptop, get one!) and nervously go on Uncyclopedia. If you are actually doing this, then maybe you should seek professional help.
Another way to protect yourself is to become a monkey. Since monkeys rarely edit Uncyclopedia,[1] you will most probably not be safe this way.
Public reaction[edit | edit source]
Occasionally, you will find some strange guy giving out pamphlets warning of the end. A few websites were made, calling themselves Uncyclopedia II.
Michael Jackson was so stressed about Uncyclopedia's ending that he took drugs to ease the pain. Before he died, he told the press: "If Uncyclopedia ends, I can't live. How else will I find vulnerable preteens online?" It is a sad fact that not only did Uncyclopedia outlive him, all those preteens did as well.
Uncyclopedia's response[edit | edit source]
The most anxious are Uncyclopedia's very own users. "I go on Uncyclopedia every day after school," said a user who preferred to remain anonymous. "Uncyclopedia is my life. Whoever closes it down will die. Well, they'll die once I finish this bag of Doritos."
Many users have spent their entire disk drive backing up all of Uncyclopedia's pages.
Failed predictions[edit | edit source]
Originally, scientists theorized that the end of Uncyclopedia would come in the year 1337. This prediction was rapidly discredited upon the discovery that the year 1337 had already come and gone. The same scientists, not yet willing to admit defeat, subsequently recalculated the critical event to take place in 31337. This second prediction was the result of minutes of research, during which the scientists concluded: "If we're going to be wrong, at least we won't be around to see it."
A counter-theory states that, since all good things must come to an end, Uncyclopedia is inherently safe.
A third theory, not being so bold as to get involved in the row the other two theories are having, proposes that the deletion of Uncyclopedia will be an act of a displeased God. Fortunately God appears to be too busy inserting vanity into its sister project Conservapedia to notice.
Conclusion[edit | edit source]
So before you click the "edit" tab, just remind yourself this won't be around forever. And neither will you be. Of course, Uncyclopedia will most probably outlive you.
Because you'll never know when your final edit will b
References[edit | edit source]
- ↑ This is possibly wrong, because according to recent studies, you are a monkey.