The Drummer
The Drummer is noted for being the un-notable part of many notable bands. Most of this is due to the fact he sits way back in the back of the stage where he is barely visible, and if he is seen, he is often mistaken for a piece of stage equipment such as a spare microphone or a cardboard box. When he's hanging around with the band, he is often mistaken for a roadie or a fan who's on drugs. When on the street people don't make eye contact with him and will sometimes say, "I don't have any change," without being asked.
He spends a lot of his time and professional career hanging out with The Keyboard Player.
| The Drummer | |
|---|---|
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| |
| Name | THE The Drummer |
| Born | June?/ whatever/ about 1950's I guess |
| Died | There was the time his heart stopped, but they brought him back. |
| Occupation | Hitting hollow, inanimate objects with sticks |
| Spouse | P. J. Soles (1978-1983) Meg Ryan (1991-2001) Kimberly Buffington (2004-present) |
History[edit | edit source]
Sex[edit | edit source]
He always seems to get mostly cast-offs from the lead singer and lead guitar player. Sometimes a hot mom will do. Still, the drummer never got the high quality poon the guys on the front half of the stage got. It turns out the line "I'm the band's Drummer," doesn't work, often frightening women away or, in some cases, getting the drummer in question reported to the police.
Drugs[edit | edit source]
This is what all band members do when not having sex or rock'n rolling. Since he's getting less sex than anyone in the band but The Keyboard Player he's got more time for drugs.
Rock & Roll[edit | edit source]
Drummers are most notable in Rock & Roll music, where they are allowed to play the loudest. In some bands, such as Led Zeppelin, the drummer is the only audible part of the entire band, making the music extremely uninteresting. Drummers can be sorted into two categories: drummers with superhuman abilities (including the ability to play drum solos that can last anywhere from 2 minutes to infinity) and drummers with absolutely no talent whatsoever, who consider it an impressive feat to hold a steady beat for more than 4 minutes without screwing up once.
Bands[edit | edit source]
The Drummer has forgettably performed in a number of bands not limited to the following:
- Spinal Tap
- Earth Wind and Fire (he was the Wind)
- U2
- Prince and the Revolution
- Aerosmith
- The Beatles: (He was the first drummer, but they replaced him with Ringo Starr because Ringo's name wasn't as goofy)
- Thievery Corporation: (got busted)
- The Police: (community service)
- Living Colour
- Black Sabbath
- Bob Dylan's Big Brass Band: (This band broke up after 2 hours of pure wrong)
- Drum Line (uncredited cameo)
- Smashing Pumpkins
- The Brian Setzer Band
Trivia[edit | edit source]
Unknownst to most, The Drummer usually plays another instrument. Just not very well