That time I was swallowed by a whale during my sojourn in the Mediterranean

It looked kinda like this, only fucking psycho.

Dude, that fucking thing was huge. Like, WTF?

So there I was

sailing in a fucking boat to Tarshish, doing my running-away-from-God thing with the Nineveh shit and the fish, right? Like, seafaring badass shit.

and this fucking whale

bursts out of the sea, musk all over the place, and instead of going for the fish, he opens his mouth wide open for me.

so I pulled out my

knife and tried to cut my way out of this thing, but now it literally fucking swallowed me! WTF?

I barely got away after the whale vomited me out and I got a major sinistral external abrasion and a severed brachialis radial.

No, seriously. It nearly digested me.

See also

• That time I was nearly raped by a yak during my sojourn in Canada
• Jonah
• Big fish