That time I was nearly raped by an Oscar Wildebeest during my sojourn in wherever Oscar Wildebeests come from

It looked kinda like this, only fucking photo-realistic.

Dude, that fucking thing was huge. Like, WTF?

So there I was

cottaging in fucking Reading Gaol, doing my Dorian Gray thing with the actors shit and the Somdomites, right? Like, Thespian badass shit.

and this fucking mincing playwright

bursts out of the theater, the smell of jasmine all over the place, and instead of going for the Sodomites, he makes a wildebeestline straight for me.

so I pulled out my

knife and cut the shit out of the thing, and it tries to mount me! WTF?

I barely got away with major emotional damage from the biting wit and cutting insults and a severed brachialis radial.

No, seriously. It nearly raped me.

See also

• That time I nearly took a sojourn to Canada while I was being raped by a yak
• Mincing Playright