Talk:God of War

From Pee Review

Please give feedback and contribute(it could use some pics). Thank you---Hyperion- 04:18, 24 June 2006 (UTC)

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First off, let me say that I liked God of War and I love articles that poke fun at stuff I like. So I want this one to work out. Here we go:

What I liked:

• Good use of striking out words
• Nice satire on the part of the flaws of the game
• The lol sarcasm and bluntness of some of the jokes.

What I did not like:

• Learn to write better. I'm not being mean. Not everyone can be a great writer, and I'm not saying I am either, cuz I'm not. But....there was a lot of bad writing here. For example (I bolded some words for emphasis):

"In order to kill Ares, Kratos needs the power of a plot device Pandora's box. To earn it, Kratos needs to go kill a bunch of monsters in the aptly named Temple of Pandora, which is totally not filler, nor were the previous pointless levels.

Using "needs" twice is a bit redundant, and not in the good way. Also consider merging the sentences, like so:

"In order to kill Ares, Kratos needs the power of a plot device Pandora's box, which he must earn by killing a bunch of monsters in the aptly named Temple of Pandora (which is totally not filler, nor were the previous pointless levels)".

Another example of writing that could use some work:

"The main character of God of War is Kratos, a warrior with major anger management issues. He's on a quest of vengeance against the Greek god Ares, who for some reason thought that killing someone's family would instill loyalty."

Maybe it's just me, but it seems like these sentences could use some merging, too. How about something more or less like this:

The main character of God of War is Kratos, a warrior with major anger management issues on a quest of vengeance against the Greek god Ares (who for some reason thought that killing someone's family would instill loyalty).

There are a couple other sentences in the article that could use a facelift as well.

• Learn some grammar and spelling, if you please. Anyone who knows me knows that I am big on that sort of thing. I took the liberty of fixing a few grammatical and spelling errors (and there were quite a few), but that doesn't mean you shouldn't learn your its and it's, so to speak. A couple of spelling and capitalisation errors, too. Be careful with those (unless they were just typos?).

• Here's a good bit of advice I got from a Pee review I submitted myself: you don't need, and you would probably be better off without jokes that have nothing to do with the subject itself, like this sentence after the "Unlockables" heading:

"God of War has several unlockables. Otherwise this section of the article would not exist. Pretty obvious really".

Stuff I would add:

• A section describing the Magic techniques wouldn't hurt (if it was funny and well-written).
• More detail on the Plot Summary/Synopsis (I don't remember what word you used).

Was that helpful? I hope so, since otherwise, I would've just been spewing bat shit these last few minutes I spent typing this. Good luck with the article, too. --DiZ 18:39, 24 June 2006 (UTC)