Sluggish schizophrenia

Sluggish Schizophrenia

“If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia; if you talk to God, you have sluggish schizophrenia.”

~ Szasz the licensed drug dealer

Sluggish Schizophrenia, unlike other mental disorders, is an infectious disease acquired from seeing slugs. It was first reported in USSR by KGB owned mental institution to describe pathological resistance to mind control. Soviet psychiatrists have tried various methods to cure the infected and they introduce these methods to their brethren in eastern Europe, China and other client states. Despite the efforts of the socialists, this disease is never control, with a death rate of 100%.

Signs and symptoms

Unlike common schizophrenics, sluggish schizophrenics look perfectly normal until they talk about politics or philosophy, or other subjects the government believe to be relevant. DSM Russian edition has a criteria below, requiring three of the following:

• Delusional belief that Marx is not Russian (not Chinese in Chinese edition).
• Misspelling 'Marx' as 'Max'.
• Suspecting gay relationship between Engels and Marx, or Stalin and Chairman Mao.
• Preferring independence to communist dictatorship.
• Watching cartoons about Winnie the Pooh
• Low credit score.
• Other signs of political incorrectness.

Generally speaking, if one has seen a slug in soviet territories within the year, he will develop sluggish schizophrenia, unless he possesses a special genome called FWD-1 (genome of will deficiency) which prevents the brain from developing a vulnerability called free will. Studies have shown that after chronic exposure to the disease, the FWD-1 rate in soviet states have grown to 70%.

Causes and Preventions

Sluggish schizophrenia is caused by infection of libertas iustitia, a virus targeting brain cells, teleports to human brains from slugs when they are seen. The virus proliferates in brains cells leading to abnormal thinking and disable the brain of strength, peace and freedom. The patients get antisocial and aggressive and betray their people and motherland.

There're not vaccination for this lethal disease but scientists have found some easy ways of prevention: boot licking, adultery with government officials, substance abuse, and lobotomy.

A recent Russian-Chinese study has shown that sluggish schizophrenia is likely to spread via internet due to quantum entanglement. China is now upgrading the firewall used to filter COVID-19, with quantum decoherent technique.

Prognosis

The sluggish schizophrenics often die in five years, due to various reasons. The most common cause of death is suicide, which can be extremely bizarre. It’s reported that sluggish schizophrenics often commit suicide in strange ways like jumping into sea butt naked, wearing a plastic bag over head then pumping in helium or even dying from unknown causes. Other may develop strange commobidity like get some sick, liberalism, anarchism etc, and then finally antigovernmentia syndrome, a fatal and painful brain disorder like rabies. Patients will die in a month due to blood loss, heart failure, poisoning, ECT adverse effects, or hypoxemia.