Skinheads
Skinheads[edit | edit source]
Skinheads, contrary to popular belief, are not human and therefore, racist towards all. In fact, most of the time skinheads are just bored working class kids. To be a skinhead you must put up with normal bullying by the Elders. The Elders are a race of super-skinheads who where born before the land before time, making them more skinhead than you, despite their pompadours and track suits. While skinheads have very similar DNA to your average human being, they tend to differ by 2 to 50 percent. Interestingly enough, the only completely human skinhead is GG Allin.
Skinheads are actually quite similar to humans in looks but there are some major differences.
- The Head of a Skinhead is entirely made out of skin, as are the eyes, the hair, the bones and even the inside of their heads.
- The typical Skinhead weighs 814 kilograms and is about 3 meters tall.
- Skinheads only feed from cigarettes and beer.
- Skinheads have combat boots molded to their feet. This symbiosis normally takes place within the first 2 months of a skinhead´s life. They are often doctor martens, or some other, less popular brand.
- Most skinheads are made with over three hundred percent fiber, making them a great part of any nutritional Breakfast.
- Skinheads do have a very resistant vocal cords, in fact they are indestructible. This allows the skinhead to scream "Oi! Oi! Oi!" 24/7.
- Skinheads also possess a rather large amount of rage, when not drinking, fighting, yelling at children, getting yelled at by children, drinking, drinking, or insisting they aren't racists.
They should be distinguished from slapheads, who are just as ugly, but more pretentious. Slapheads are that way because of mail pattern baldness and because they think it makes them look butch and manly. It doesn't. While skinheads are incorrigible, slapheads are just indescribable.
The Elders[edit | edit source]
Now about the elders. As mentioned before, the race of immortals normally consists of super-human and multiracial skinheads who fear Change or Ideas. They often dress horribly, unless at an Punk Rock show, in which they put to shame even the baldest among their ranks. They hold the secrets to creating Skinhead decoder rings and have passwords to the secret Skinhead website
How To Become A Skinhead[edit | edit source]
The long path to becoming a skinhead is not an easy one. you start out all alone, drinking. And drinking. And drinking. For the first step, it also helps to be a bored punk rocker, who, even though he has a nine foot mohawk and ripped jeans, just can't seem to find out why his self esteem is so low. in fact his girlfreind just left him and... back to becoming a skinhead! You must first save up a thousand pabst, blue ribbon tabs in an envelope, and mail them to the Elders secret headquarters, somewhere in england. once this is done they will send you an introductory pamphlet, and a secret Skinhead decoder ring!. Once you have ordered a pair of doctor martens work boots, you must scan the bottom of the boot with your Skinhead decoder ring! You then send in your message with your name and personal Message. you then go online to the sectret Skinead website and use your Skinhead decoder ring! to show what type of skinhead you must be. If you Disobey your chosen skin-fession, you may fear the wrath of the elders, who will most likely intimidate you.
Being A Skinhead[edit | edit source]
Skinheads often wear button up shirts, or fred perry polo's and jeans. It's rather boring, but hey, what can you do? Skinheads are an offshoot genre of mods. Some skinheads are racist, some communist, but all are boring. Skinheads are all about Beer - tell one he's weak, and he'll probably pass out, a raging drunk before knocking you out. If you see a skinhead with an oddly-shaped jacket, he's probably concealing a weapon, or he needs a new jacket, so do not confront him or look him in the eye, or look at his jacket. In fact, if you see a skinhead do not confront him or look him in the eye, or at his jacket (I'm serious!!!) Female skinheads are even scarier than male ones, however some of them have very nice tit... Personalities...
If you live in Russia, you may see special skinhead panic buttons installed on every street corner. These are for non-skinheads to call for police assistance if they are being attacked.