Secret Story

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Directly derived from "Loft story" which the philosophical goal was to take swimming lessons with an almost nude Loanna and Jean-Edouard in the pool, Secret Story is a reality show created in 2007 by the French enterprise "Endemol France"... Or adapted of an other American show as usual unknown in France to the public believe our television knows to do anything alone.

The principle is extremely simple. It consists entirely in the observation of nineteen humans reduced at the basic status of animal confined in a small house called "maison des secrets", which is rather a zoo, contributing to their own destruction during fourteen weeks between June and September.

The second optional principle consists to search the different habitants' secrets in the "Maison des secrets" or "Secrets' house" in English. The goal of this reality show is to show you there is more uninteresting and useless than you.

The first rules to survive[edit | edit source]

NEVER give your real name, like in Eragon, to the staff producing this show. And with good reason ! ALL the participants are named with unlikely names like "Angie", "Tatiana", "Hayder", "Jonh-David", "François-Xavier", "Vanessa", "Rosa" and many others... I remind the show takes place in Paris... but we don't know if the staff means Paris in Texas. No importance.

Candidates presentation[edit | edit source]

It is too hard to explain all subtlety and refinement which belong to Secret Story and people who participate in. But I will try to show a part of this giant work even after all.

Season 1[edit | edit source]

  • Xavier: The Father of all the fathers of this wonderful house. He makes morality to all inhabitants and, of course, he knows how to tranquilize nerved and lost spirits by a strike of magic wand. The sources of his infinity knowledge are of course Karl Marx, Nietzsche and maybe the eternal Descartes (?). He is considered like the modern philosophy father and is more gifted than your mother in all domains known this day. And you, yes, YOU, you're a jealous man because you're an ugly pimply teenager (Yes, YES ! At least, acknowledge !)
  • Tatiana: This is the Xavier's wife. This is their secret ! So shhhhhhh. She has the remarkable property to be the daugther of her father and her mother, explaining her mouth in the form of duck.
  • The triplets: Yes because, one alone wasn't rather funny :(.
  • "La voix" (the voice): After his sixty years, Darth Vader had to find a new job no ?

... There are other candidates but I let you to discover them by your own judgement.

Season 2[edit | edit source]

  • Alice: The fluorescent versnishes' Queen. A sure value when you have a Barbie's role... No other utility.
  • Mathias: As modest as your mother, the Mathias' strategy consists to use his ressemblance with Jean Claude Van Dame (don't search, you can't understand), to entice them and sub-pull them their secret. He has of course the same intelligence than his model... i prefer NOT show that can be it to preserve your hope in the modern society and the future.
  • Isabelle: The undertaker of the house. She asked to the public to eliminate her many times without success. Finally, the suicide option was chosen.
  • Hayder: Native of Quebec, (oh, Quebec is a Canada region where people talk french and are for 90% terrortists to win their liberty to join the France) Hayder lives with a bullet in the hand he caught in his period of grand terrorism which weaken him, letting faults where all inhabitants try to infiltrate... Suspens...
  • Cyril: Worldwide break dance champion, he... that's all he knows to do.
  • Laurent: A preacher which sined six hundred and sixty six times since his arrival.
  • Alexandra: A deposed Russian princess, she grew up in the difficult environment of France... That doesn't prevent her to don't know how to do the cleaning...
  • Nathalie and Samantha: The lesbians of the game ! They have a dirty character. Unfortunately, one of them had to leave the show for medical reason and won't come back. Let's hope it =D.
  • Caroline and Nicolas: The other secret couple of the game. We can compare them with Kevin to resume quickly.
  • Marie-France and Maeva: Marie-France is the Maeva's mother ! Their other secret is Marie-France shout all secret she knows at the end of day.
  • John-David: His secret is he had been in couple with seven hundred eighty peoples... Knowing he has twenty-one years, let's calculate the length of every couple.
  • Marilyne: She invented the secret to be medium to enter in the game. Her impressing clairvoyant powers were of an incredible utility when she searched the other secrets in the house. In effect, she didn't found nothing.
  • Quentin: He is the tecktonik killer of the house ! In effect, his gay activities didn't passed unobserved during the twelve months of emission.

Season 3[edit | edit source]

The actual season, surely the most thrilling of ever secret story story, prepare to die.

  • François-Xavier or FX (to the private fans): He keeps the secret to be a millionaire... Every body knows it in the house but nobody understood that was his secret... Personality : No personality, he take the others inhabitants' one like a vampire.
  • Léo, Angie, Romain, Kévin : They are the four house's interlopers, that means they are hidden in a little room and watch TV to see the inhabitants' activities in the house by a system of surveillance and do the strategy, forcing inhabitants to vote an inhabitant to fire him or her by their spies Angie and Romain. To be clearer, they are psychopathic perverts, which look inhabitants take a shower, go to the toilets and many others... Personalities : Manipulative pervert, love, glory and botox, naysrascal, seductive.
  • Nicolas : By the same manner than Mailyne, he makes believe that he talks with Dalida in his head. That doesn't prevent the inhabitants to realize his secret... In fact, all the inhabitants are mediums. Personality : Sensible man
  • Jonathan : His secret is his name must be pronounced in French... Nobody found. His other secret is he has the Einstein intelligence, but nobody care ! Personality : Big animal in immoderate arrogance.
  • Didier and Élise : Their secret is Élise is not a princess, Didier is only decorative... Their other secret is they are a couple. Personality : Why us ?
  • Vanessa and Émilie : Their secret is they don't know speak French and they take crash courses in the house... Otherwise, they must be best friend whereas they are worse enemies because of Vanessa has stolen Émilie's boyfriend... Common personality : Victim of the life which take them for riffraff of the city.
  • Bruno : His secret is he doesn't have the sense hushed up about smell because he has been a beggar. But every body thinks he is only beggar, they mistake them ! He is here because he needs money to survive but Jonathan in his infinite generosity takes his money to "know him better and be friends =)". Personality : Don't take my money, i need it to survive... NOOOOOOOOOO
  • Martin : His secret is he is able to fire at the end of week. The time everybody understand, that was too late... His second optional secret is he is millionaire. Personality : We don't know, during his participation, he just told "Shhhhhhit, i'll turn at the end of the week !"
  • Élizabeth : Her secret is she has been stalked for two years by interpol... Although, her age unknown, maybe she was talking about the gestapo... Personality : mediator of all
  • Rosa : She was "Miss France 2007"... Didn't done more than two minutes with her secret. Personality : potiche
  • Cindy, Maija, Sabrina, Daniela : This is the summer mystery ! One has done part of an adultery couple with a football champion (wow, you rock !), another is bisexual (you're too liberated my sister !), an other survived the tsunami (shit, it is too genial) and the fourth... had been with a football champion in an adultery couple, is bisexual, tsunami survivor and decided to stay a virgin.
  • Saucisse : Survivor of the hot neighbourhoods, he had been chosen in unanimity to be Marseilles' mayor for a certain lenght. He is a dog too (Noooo, you kid around ! 0_0). Personality : No one... He is a dog...

The f*bip* things you wana to f*bip*in this f*bip*house with f*bip*secrets[edit | edit source]

  • Le téléphone rouge (the red phone) : Created by Satan and used by la voix, its ring gets more on your nerves than your alarm-clock the morning.
  • La supérette (the minimarket) : The only way to feed the zoo's animals. This lecherous bitch let them a very short time to burgle its to win precious treasures, like preserve and many others which will disappear in the night by unknown animals more bellicose than the others, that means one or two at the very most.
  • La voix : Impose stupid rules, make lose some silver, wake up the inhabitants at night... The life should be so delicious without its... or not.

La voix's ten (or twelve, I have forgotten... No importance, nobody care !) commands[edit | edit source]

  • 1- You will be always well presented.
  • 2- You will sleep until three PM.
  • 3- You will be hypocritical.
  • 4- You won't respect the food not the others inhabitants.
  • 5- You will care to never tell or do something intelligent, we are not in a cultural show.
  • 6- La voix is always right.
  • 7- Even la voix is wrong, she is right.
  • 8- Never interrupt la voix, even she is a record.
  • 9- You will kiss with an other inhabitant from the second week.
  • 10- You will hide some food for you.
  • 11- You will eat your hidden food at six AM, when every body will sleep.
  • 12- You will give lecture inhabitants which eat biscuits at four AM

Secrets wanted by the endemol staff for the next year.[edit | edit source]

  • I am a Wow player and I have a social life
  • I am dumb
  • I am six years old
  • I am a psychopathic assassin
  • When I use windows 98, there are no bugs
  • I am a dwarf
  • I am cannibal
  • I survived the using of air Somalia
  • My partner is in the house
  • My partner is in the house
  • My partner is in the house
  • My partner is in the house
  • My partner is in the house
  • My partner is in the house
  • My partner is in the house
  • I am attained of influenza A
  • I am dead since 1994
  • I am fluent in French (extremely rare in this game)
  • I have been stalking you ever since I met you

What must we keep of "Secret Story" ?[edit | edit source]

Nothing, just you can be MORE intelligent than many peoples ! Secret story is a thing you will watch even you don't want because it is too amazing. (roughly, it is a bullshit)

See also[edit | edit source]


This page was originally sporked from Désencyclopédie.