Rodrick Alden

Rodrick Alden PHD
Alden in 1993, 8 months before his disappearance
Born	April 20, 1969 Omaha, Nebraska
Disappeared	January 19, 1994
Status	Missing
Nationality	American
Occupation	Sociologist
Known for	Alden's Number
Notable work	Alden's Compendium

Dr. Rodrick Alden is an American sociologist and mathematician best known for his work in the field of mathematical sociology, in particular Alden's Theorem and the related Alden's Number. However, information about Alden and his work is extremely hard to come by as almost all information relating to him has been either lost or destroyed ever since his disappearance in 1994.

Early life & disappearance

Alden was born and raised in Omaha, Nebraska, graduating from Northwest High School in 1987. He briefly served as the mayor of Omaha in March of 1988, stepping down 2 months later in order to focus on his studies at Creighton University. Alden graduated from Creighton University with a Bachelor of Science in sociology in 1989, and later earned a PhD in mathematical sociology from the University of Nebraska Omaha in 1993.

Seven months after earning his PhD title, in January of 1994, Alden suddenly went missing and almost all of his works were expunged from online databases. Nobody has seen or directly heard from Alden since this point.

In 2021, an Omaha resident was hiking in the Neale Woods Nature Reserve when they found an index card in a pile of mud, with the words "RODRICK ALDEN IS NOT DEAD" written in blood on it. The Omaha Police Department later confirmed the blood used to write the note was a match with Rodrick Alden's DNA. This is the most recent instance of Alden's activity.

Alden's Compendium

The only publicly available documents related to Alden's academic work are the first four pages of Alden's thesis paper, Alden's Compendium. These pages outline some of his background and the context of his work, and begin to explain one of his mathematical models, with the content of the remaining 296 pages being unknown. The one theorem which was shown in the available portion of Alden's thesis paper is called "Alden's Theorem."

Additionally, there was a mention of "Alden's Theory of Everything" in the paper, but what it entails is completely unknown.

Alden's Theorem

According to Alden's Compendium, Alden's Theorem is a mathematical model which can theoretically predict with statistically significant results the degree to which the socioeconomic factors of a group of people will have an influence on their long-term behaviour. It is a multidimensional equation incorporating several advanced forms of manuum-agitatio mathematics, including stratified cyrptomorphic field theory, generalized topological quadrature, pseudoisomorphic universal properties, orthromorphic parameter quantification and multipathological abstraction.

Alden's Theorem is:

$A\ =\ \int _{L}^{U}{\frac {\log _{U}\left(L^{2}\right)\left(f_{1}\left(N\right)-2C\right)}{f_{3}\left(L-U^{2}\right){\sqrt {BC}}\ln \left(C+f_{3}\left(U\right)\right)}}dN\sum _{n=B}^{13^{U}}\left({\frac {f_{2}\left(UB\right)}{n+N}}+{\frac {BN+n}{f_{5}\left(R-C^{2}\right)}}\right)+\sum _{n_{2}=\left(C+R\right)-B^{3}}^{K^{7}}\left(\int _{\sum _{n_{3}={\frac {9}{N+C}}}^{L^{3U}}f_{7}\left(n_{3}-R\right)}^{\sum _{n_{4}={\frac {C}{B}}+1}^{n_{2}^{U}}f_{6}\left(n_{4}+R\right)}{\frac {K}{R^{4}}}dK\right)-\prod _{p=0}^{K+R}\sum _{s=K-{\sqrt {R}}}^{p^{3}}3R\int _{\frac {U}{L^{2}}}^{\frac {L^{2}}{U^{3}}}f_{8}\left({\frac {R}{K}}\right)dF$

where

• $L$ = the Lower Bound of Operation;

• $U$ = the Upper Bound of Operation;

• $B$ = the Background Number;

• $F$ = the Foreground Number;

• $C$ = the Mendacium Coefficient;

• $N$ = the Nanoanalytic Counter;

• $K$ = the Knowledge Factor;

• $R$ = the Radial Cipher;

• $f_{1}$ through $f_{8}$ = Alden's Subfunctions;

and

• $A$ = Alden's Number.

Below the equation, Alden wrote his first estimate for the value of Alden's Number, being 7.1337 as it appears in the Compendium.

Further details on Alden's Theorem including the Subfunctions and the final declared value of Alden's Number are unknown as the fourth page of the paper cuts off at the fourth digit of Alden's first estimate, which may or may not have been continued on the next page. It is implied that most of the content of Alden's Compendium is dedicated to Alden's research of the true value of Alden's Number; Alden himself had confirmed the mathematical rigour of his equation in small-scale environments and planned to expand his formula's scope to eventually apply to broader human populations. Context suggests Alden was successful in this regard to some extent, but the details have been lost to history.

Other things attributed to Alden

Alden's Amendment

Alden's Amendment is a constitutional amendment proposed by Alden to the Nebraska Legislature during his brief stint as mayor of Omaha in 1988. The amendment outlined a set of diversity initiatives to represent Nebraska's African American population in government, which was unbelievably progressive considering Alden made this in 1988. The amendment was predictably rejected in a unanimous decision from the Nebraska Legislature because Alden made this in 1988.

Alden's Gambit

Alden's Gambit is a chess opening theorycrafted and field-tested by Alden. It is known for having an astonishingly sophisticated system of counterattacks which are logically impossible to understand (let alone defend against) by anyone other than Alden himself, as he had used his custom nonlinear multidimensional logic parameters to effectively restrict his opening theory behind an indecipherable framework.

Alden's Plan

Alden's Plan, also known as General Alden's Plan, is a set of documents detailing a theoretical plan for the withdrawal of US troops from Afghanistan developed solely by Alden in 2019 under the pen name of "General Alden". Rodrick Alden does not possess any kind of formal diplomacy education or experience. Despite that, his plan was rigourously sound in logic and would have saved thousands of lives if even part of it were to be implemented, according to world leaders who were informed of the plan's outline. According to Reliable Sources, the documents spontaneously combusted en route to the White House in early 2020.

The documents were originally found in the dumpster behind a Taco Bell in late 2019. It is unknown where or how Alden wrote them, and security footage pulled from nearby buildings did not show anyone placing documents inside the dumpster.