Robbie Savage
“Sorry, my bad...”
“Who called him a wanker? That's a lie. He says he doesn't like the feel of having a real man's penis in his hands.”
“We can't afford to pay him this week, but he's so far up his own arse he probably won't notice”
“Did you see me slap him? Haha, I'm such a ledge”
“What a pussy”
Robert William "Robbie" Savage (born 18 October 1974 in Wrexham, Wales) is a semi-professional hairdresser, currently Derby County FC's fashion advisor and gossip. Robbie is lesser known for playing football, more for his on-the-pitch antics and douchebaggery. Robbie has suffered all sorts of abuse throughout his career, including balls in the face, Referee backslaps and Dion Dublin headbutts. The latter incident earned Dublin his knighthood for, "Behaving in a manner on behalf of England's people"... Sheep aren't people, they don't count. He wants to go professional in hairdressing. He is applying for a job in America as a hairdresser. This is his lifetime ambition.
Robbie Savage is a wanker, is a wanker, is a wanker[edit | edit source]
Personal Life & Career[edit | edit source]
Robbie is renown not only for his mad football skills, but for the tremendous strength he showed in dealing with his ambiguous genitalia. Basically, he's a hermaphrodite. His parents were very supportive of his love for football, since they could not for the life of them decifer his gender, and they knew they'd have to keep an open mind. "Savage", had always been known as such throughout school due to his lack of pubescent qualities. Some of the real boys and girls called him Lily, or Robbie, but most just called him, "bender". Alas, at the ripe old age of 19 his voice began to break and his gender was confirmed, much to the dismay of his then boyfriend, Ramsey. Due to the ambiguity surrounding Robbie's gender his school teachers made him use the disabled toilets, which outraged his parents and led to a PTA meeting with concerns of political correctness. That meeting concluded that yes, in fact he should be using the disabled toilets.
But, much to his credit Robbie 'manned' through the tough times and persued his dream of a career in football. His involvement in the beautiful game became a reality when he was taken on as an apprentice at Manchester United to make the brews. At least, that's what is commonly believed since he never started any games for them. He ended up going through a few clubs, getting backslapped by Referees and generally making a twat out of himself, before realising that his true passion was acting. He developed a trademark by grabbing the badge on his shirt at every club he went to, eventually losing it's credibility as a passionate gesture towards each club and it's fans. But what really led to him being confirmed as a 'wanker' by every set of fans in the country, (besides the one set whose club he plays for, because obviously he's considered a, "legend", when he plays you) was the fact he uses these chants as the ringtone on his phone, just to remind him that being a wanker is better than a bender. Savage boasts many records in football, one is for being the thickest semi-pro in history, with as little as 3 IQ points above legal retardation; an impressive feat to say the least. After being told of his record he is quoted to have said, "That's a 3 points I wish Derby had".
Media Career[edit | edit source]
With one eye on his ailing playing career and another on the assortment of dimwits already earning a handy living once they have hung up their boots, Savage is now regularly dragging 'expert' summaries and interviews down to previously unimaginable depths. He started off poorly, but having clearly been told that his cheeky chappy (AKA gormless wanker) style was a hit with the listeners, he has since perfected his art to become the archetypal twit of choice for those programmers seeking to reach out to the lowest common denominator - which is now most of the programmers most of the time. The one highlight of his new career came in January 2010 when a thumping clearance entered the commentary box at Villa Park, happily smashing Savage in the face during the Premier League match between Aston Villa and West Ham, an event which delighted colleagues and listeners alike.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/8464392.stm
The Twat Aspect Of Lily's Life[edit | edit source]
Robbie's life skills have not only earned him a MOBO for being a very good diver, but he has also won an award from L'Oréal for having the second girliest hair in football, beaten to first place by Fernando Torres. This caused massive upset among Ram fans, who firmly believed Savage should have won, since we are no longer in the 90s and the curtains look is considered more gay the longer you grow it, thus Torres should have fallen second rather than vice versa. On the left is a picture of the famous incident in which Robbie gets pimpslapped by the Referee, and Savage being Savage does his best to milk it and get some sympathy from the Referee. Another reason Robbie is considered a wanker is because he has only ever been sent off twice in his career, even though he is one of the dirtiest players to ever play the game. Poor old Savvy even holds parties at his house for footballing talent from across the country, and in 2008 even Joey Barton declined to come, saying: "I wouldn't go near that scumbag", and Marlon King obviously couldn't attend either and was quoted to have said: "I'm getting bummed in B-Wing that day, not that I'd go anyway".