Reinhard Heydrich

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Reinhard Heydrich (7 March 1904 – 4 June 1942) was born some years ago in some place in Germany. As soon as he was born, he began learning how to play the violin. His parents were amazed that he had such talent at such a young age, so they cut off his testicles, even though that would only keep his voice high, and not help with the violin at all. When he was growing up, people made fun of him a lot. He sounded like a girl, because his testicles had been cut off. So, he decided to talk with his violin. He played it all the time. He also liked to fly his plane. But he crashed other peoples planes.


He was very shy, but when he was older, he was undeniably sexy. Everyone wanted him. He became a pimp, and once had over twenty girlfriends at once- and they all knew, but they didn't care because he was so sexy. He was also able to make love again, due to artificial testicles handmade for him by Oscar Wilde. One day, after he joined the navy, he had sex with some girl he met and liked. His 20 girlfriends dumped him all at once, and he was kicked out of the navy. The other girl dumped him too, so he wasn't a slut anymore.

Omg Nazi![edit]

One day, some girl he liked for a while told him to be a nazi. He said okay, and became a nazi. He woke up on the second day of his being a Nazi, and realized he didn't like jewish people for some reason. He realized the girl ran away, so he picked up some book called "Mein Kampf". Needless to say, the book inspired him even more. He angrily declared as he closed the book 14 hours later that his girlfriend ran away because a jew hypnotized her into loving him. Heydrich did not care. He ran outside and into an office and did stuff at a desk he called his own.

Heydrich doing stuff. Yes Peter, Nazi stuff

He became proud of being a Nazi and worked hard. After moving up in rank a lot, he became more and more important. He was in the SS, and he was proud. Even his license plate said SS-3. He liked his license plate. Hitler was so scared of what he could do that he, yes Hitler, gave him the nickname "The man with the iron heart".

Sexy Lover[edit]

In his becoming all important and continuing his road to sexiness and power, he met a girl named Cassi Zombie while driving in his supersexy car.


He picked her up and gave her a ride to work. She worked at Tony's Foodland, and didn't have a way to get there since she had no car. She told her dad she wouldn't need it, but her friend, Chris, said he couldn't work for her, since he didn't work there anymore. He asked her if he could take her out to dinner after, and she said yes. That night, they went to Friendly's and fell in love. Then, he brought her to his office where he became Obergruppenfuhrer, and best friends with Hitler. He married Cassi Zombie not too long after, and they were happy.

Stupid Meeting[edit]

One day, he went to some random "important" meeting in Berlin to talk about how to kill all the jews ever, even though camps had already started to exterminate the jews. He hypnotized everyone at the meeting with his sexiness and made them agree with everything he said. He left the meeting to go do nazi stuff, his mission had been accomplished. He never realized the meeting put him in danger, because he was pissing off churchill. You dont piss off churchill.

Stoopid Assassins[edit]

These two people shot at him one day when he was innocently making his way to his office to do more stuff. He was listening to Blumchen's "heut ist mein tag", which put him in a cheery mood. He sang to all the words until he felt himself being shot. He became upset, and realized it was not his day, and he got out of his car and ran away, angrily, and in pain from being shot. Then, the people were mean and didn't give him penecillin. Cassi Zombie was sad. Then some guy said that he would have lots and lots of peeples killed to avenge his death, and she still wasn't happy. She wanted to save him. But he was dying and.. a few days later, he died. She didn't leave him for a second. She wanted him to stay alive, but whatever, those two guys were meanies and decided to kill him. And they didn't even get in trouble.