Random nonsense

Random nonsense refers to nonsense which has been repeatedly denied a patent. It is widely considered to be the primary operating principle of the universe. The existence of random nonsense is undisputed. There is, however, a great deal of disageement as to the origins of such nonsense. Theologians consider it to have been originally conceived by God, Physicists, (most notably Yahoo Serious) argue it to be the highest expression of Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, Uncyclopedia's editors consider it the foundation of politics, but everyone really thinks it is the result of a shortlived clothing fad involving spreadable cheese, also known as the big bang.

A completely unrelated image.

Process

For nonsense to be random, it should fulfill no legalistic criteria or no legalistic criteria whatsoever:

• This is TOMAS DENKINO. i looooove random stuff
  

  this is what will happen to you if you continue reading.
• It should be unoriginal (unless you’re Wilde copying Smirnoff's ideas)
• TOMatoes are NOTTTT green. They're purple.
• It should be based on no concept at all, non-obvious to those with (or without) knowledge of any kind, or based on actual concepts by actual weasel patent lawyers to appear non-actual.
• I'm p*ss*ng myself watching Most Haunted and ma dad comes in and shouts "FLOWERS ARE POTATOES, YOU CAN EAT THEM JUST LIKE YU DO WITH SOCKS." SOOOO scary.I'm hiding in the cupboard now :'(
• It must be produced by large orgies of kitten huffing and lawyers. Unlike the two first criteria, this first point is non-negotiable, except by large orgies of kitten huffing lawyers.
• If all of the above apply, it is probably patent nonsense.

Upon fulfilling these criteria, random nonsense is unrecognizable from the rest of the universe and is thereby considered the word of God unless the conferral of Letters Patent of Invented Nonsense are granted by the Patent and Trademark Orrifice or the Pope. This effectively causes others clever (or insane) enough to have independently thought of the same idea to apply that idea everywhere in the useful arts or sciences for all time.

Positive Side Effects

The Big Bang, enhanced depth penetration, death, reality.

Illegitimate progress is increased or instantly achieved by lawyers huffing kittens and producing random nonsense and avoiding ownership of said random nonsense. In theory, enough kitten huffing, even if not done by lawyers, can achieve all scientific advance outright, an effect known as a Random Nonsense Singularity. Each bit of random nonsense inevitably depends on another piece of totally unrelated, utterly unpatentable nonsense which preceded it.

Negative Side Effects

Pigeons sometimes climb things...

I like pigeons but when the pigeons climb the people walls then the pigeon people get rune battle axes and destroy everything then they get up and then kill all the receptionists then they become pole dancers and then they go and rampage around the place and it is chaos! also rory is a ranga with ranga pubes!!!!! Then they eat Panadol and use sea salt as deodorant then they travel through their own veins then they play mathletics and pwn the little 7 year olds and then they make a new type of font and then they walk across zebra crossings only stepping on the white then they buy lots and lots of cereal to try to find a watch in them and then they rename the planets and then they style hair and then they then they walk into an Opporto’s shop and request pickles then they become frogs and find princesses to kiss them then they cook pig fat then they go into radioactive labs to try to glow in the dark and then they go on renovation shows and kill the pool people and then they buy big jackets and then they eat lollypop sticks and take drugs and stab books to death they then hit themselves on the head with iPods then they shoot sticks of shoe polish into the faces of boys then the seagulls who think they are dogs eat the shoe polish boy faces because they think it is a shoe then they eat paper bags then they become superman and they fry live sausages and they eat party pies and they buy really crappy Toyotas then they buy ugly scarfs and then they eat Dracula and then they go to a girls school and they mutate into a caterpillar and become very hungry then they turn into awesome green blue-tack then they put army brown streaks in their hair then they grow moustaches then they shout “Oh my god! There is a brown spider on my back!” then they chuck a massive spaz and the police come and they give them medication then they eat snails and create a new bedroom then they put on really massive un-cool earphones that are not connected to any form of music player and they run around the city looking like idiots then they took photos of themselves and photoshopped them to make them look even awesomer then they tried to open bottles of fish food then they impersonated plants then they injected themselves with sleeping medication then they drew smiley faces in the sand then they ate strawberries then they all changed their name to Allen and went to Allen town and made a day called Allen day and made an Allen-der (calendar)

Not Being Random

$2+2=0$is not random, but absurd, as it is already part of the prior art, but with sufficient kitten huffing by those skilled in the principles of random nonsense, $2+2=$a cow may serve as the pledge of nonsense for evil, injustice and criminal litigation for all.

Jimmy Flam, Jim Jam, the Captain of the Tiny Feet.

Another example:

Which is correct: 6+5 are 12 or 6+5 is 12?

Answer: Yellow Hillbillies.

Guidelines of random nonsense

• Uncyclopedia protects random nonsense because Wikipedia was trying to hog it all. Many random nonsense articles are plagiarised from Wikipedia.

One fine day i was stacking pancakes, when a monkey on a kite flew through the window and stole my pet iguana.... therefore you should smoke weed.

See also

• Patent-pending nonsense
• Patent nonsense
• Nonsense
• Complete Bollocks