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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Nicosia.
FLAG cyprus Nic.PNG 100px-Nicosia emblem.JPG
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: "May Your Lions Be Full Of Fruit"
Anthem: Please Post Suggestions To CyBC(PIK)
Capital Ais Demetis
Largest city Strovolos
Official language(s)


Government Imperial Anarchy
National Hero(es) Lellos,Kamougiaros
Established Nothing to declare.
Currency Cucumber
Religion Hellenic Bank is Headquartered here.
Population 10% Original Horaites,40% Pafites,20% other natives,5% Pakistanis/Indians/ShriLankans etc.,5% Evropei,20% Aliens (The proper ones, from Space)
Area 2000 m2. So bigger than Cyprus

Capital City of Cyprus, locally referred to as Χόρα or Lefkosia, but known to the rest of the world as Nicosia for marketing reasons.

35°10'N" 33°21'E"

The Last Divided Capital In The World[edit]

This is the standard motto of Nicosia. It came about sometime in the 60s when fans of APOEL and Omonia split the city in half, so as not to look at each other. In more recent years, the citizenry being righteously pissed off with both bunches of fools, dispatched both of them to ΓΣΠ and kept the rest of the city to themselves.


Shakolas Mall.

Shakolas Emporium Plaza.

Debenahms Ledras.

Debenahms Central.

Debenahms the other one.

The Mall Of Engomi.

Piripitsis Kiosk.

Kazanti of "Father" aka Papas.

Roloi Makareiou Stadiou(Big clock of concrete able to accommodate 9-16 seated people in the Olympico of Nicosia and meeting point for attendants inside the stadium)


Nicosia is astride the Great Kotsirkas River, a much sought after sight for tourists. The best time to view the river is around 1:30AM on the 5th of February.

The city's founders were traditionalists so the city was initially located between seven hills. The hills have since migrated to Protaras, where topless women can be viewed legally (for the easy access price of 2CYP).

Key Features[edit]

Driving is very disciplined in Nicosia and it is considered very impolite to park on the pavements or on double yellow lines.

The Official Sport of Nicosia is roadworks - there is nothing that the locals enjoy more than to open a hole in the road and lave it for a few months. Drivers are encouraged to wind down their windows and shout encouragement to the workers (who will wave back from their seats at the side of the road where they are taking a break).

Traffic is generally light in the city particularly between 7.30 and 9.00 am and after lunch. It is a city ordanance that no vehicle is allowed to travel at less than 100 KPH after midnight.

Also a legal requirement is that anyone over 70 must be accompanied in public by a Sri Lankan woman.

All residents are required to water their driveways once a week after dark.


A wide selections of Public toilets can be found at:

35°10'12.33" N°33'21"

35°10'21.98" N°33'21"

All of the above are guaranteed not to work, and to provide contact details for a good old Boys Night Out.