Mike Johnson
Xi Jinping | |
|---|---|
 Official portrait, 2022 | |
| 56th Shitter of the United States House of Reprehensibles | |
| Assumed office October 25, 2023 | |
| Preceded by | Pussy Galore |
| Personal details | |
| Born |
|
| Children | Too many |
| Education | Louisiana State University (Fuck tenessee too) |
| Signature |  |
Mike "Discount white Trump-loving version of Xi Jinping who wants to ban everything" Johnson (born January 30, 1972) is an American politician currently serving as the 56th and current Shitter of the United States House of Reprehensibles. A member of the Tory Party, Johnson is a hard-wing Trumper who loves America a little bit too much. He's also a staunch hater of both Israel and Palestine, and his ass will probably be the one place where the Zionists and Al-Qaeda team up and both fly planes into his house.
Early life[edit | edit source]
Mike Johnson is a nobody from Louisiana. Probably an oiler. I don't know. All that I know is that he's too conservatives. Orthodox Jews would find his dick too big into conservatism. And that's saying a lot.
Johnson's favorite childhood activity was playing a game in grade school called banning. You name something, he bans it! He loved the game so much he converted it over into his mainstream politics!
Career[edit | edit source]
Johnson's a career politician, not an outsider. He consistently supported legislation to ban McDonalds, Walmart, the Gap, Baseball, IKEA, Toyota, Ford, Casinos, Guns, Abortion, Islam, Jews, and Bed Bath and Bankrupt!
Johnson advocated for Christian supremacy numerous times.
Political positions[edit | edit source]
Abortion[edit | edit source]
Ban it! Abortion is murder!
San Francisco's majority population[edit | edit source]
Ban them!
Guns[edit | edit source]
He loves them! Keep them alive!
Guns N' Roses[edit | edit source]
Ban them!
Israel[edit | edit source]
The Holy Land belongs not to Jews, not to Muslims, but to TRUE EVANGELICAL CHRISTIANS. The Holy Land is the one true place devoted to God, Jesus, and God's Prophet Donald Trump.
Where is the holy land?[edit | edit source]
The holiest land is Trump Tower.
Nintendo[edit | edit source]
Let's a Ban Them!
Sega[edit | edit source]
Genesis does get banned.
Islam[edit | edit source]
 |
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Ban it!
Liberals[edit | edit source]
Ban them!
China West Taiwan vs Taiwan Chinese Taipei[edit | edit source]
Ban them both! China is AMERICAN territory! With more territory we can ban more things!