MATLAB

Screenshot of MATLABs omnipotent random number generation capabilities.

“Everybody uses MATLAB so it must be awesome!”

~ Oscar Wilde on MATLAB

MATLAB (matrix laboratory, not to be confused with MATLAV) is an esoteric interactive random number generator written in Brainfuck designed to make random number generation more complex, frustrating and noble task. The random numbers can be generated in inifite number of ways and displayed in any number of dimensions making MATLAB omnipotent software in which all modern software including Web 2.0 is created.

History

The first version of the MATLAB code was found by Charlie Chaplin during World War II in the jungles of Texas. As it was designed for Brainfuck interpret with infinite size and number of cells, scientists believe it was created either by God in Godsfuck, God's interpret of Brainfuck and was used to make universe funny place or by Chuck Norris who can interpret any code in his head.

In the late 20th century it was successfully ported by Linus Torvalds who sold the code to Gazprom.

Awesomeness

Not only is MATLAB omnipotent, it is totally awesome too! Something used by everyone is always awesome! MATLAB language is Ballmer-complete and supports both imperative and declarative programming paradigms making procedural, functional, logic and tacit programming possible. That's why MATLAB is loved by everyone expect Lucifer who says it should be used to do other things than generating random numbers which is obviously total bullshit.

World domination

MATLAB was successfully deployed as a kernel of famous Micro$oft Window$ fridge firmware family starting from ME release as well as popular Web 2.0 services like Faecesbook or YouLube taking the not-so-secret Gazprom world domination plans one step furher.

Downfall and Subsequent Death

On December 14, 2009, while on a ski vacation with family in the Slovenian Alps, MATLAB suffered a massive hemorrhage following a fall that occurred immediately after pulling the gnarliest triple-axle backwards Sasquatch fart. Previous to MATLAB's nearly successful performance of the impressive vertical leap, the only man/woman/child to have ever performed such a stunt was Tony Blair, who, in addition to his diplomatic policies, was known to be one of the greatest skiers in modern politics. Doctors were able to restore function to MATLAB's binary read-write devices, but it would remain unresponsive for the rest of it's life.

In the evening of August 22, 2010, MATLAB died peacefully in its home (a restored IBM Aptiva ca. 1996). A service was held the next day, with a eulogy read in .m format by Adobe Acrobat. MATLAB is interred at Google. The headstone of MATLAB reads:

%Here Lies MATLAB
date_of_birth = 1979ish
date_of_death = August 22, 2010
EDU>>(1979 - August 22, 2010)
??? Undefined function or variable '(1979 - August 22, 2010)'.