MATLAV

MATLAV, or Matrix Lavatories, is an advanced programming language that helps people go to the bathroom.

The Language

To make people under 5 pee in their pants but to make older people poop in the White House:

 // peethon is used in place of matlav to achieve more efficient peeing
 import pee; //Let people pee
 import poo; //Let people poop
 import accident; //Let people have an accident
 import world; //Use package to select objects on the Earth
 import people; //Select people
 people=world.search(all);
 for people in people {
     age=people.age;
     if age<5 {
         person.peeInThePants();
         person.drinkPee();
     } else {
         person.poopInTheWhiteHouse();
         person.eatPoop();
     }
 }

This is REALLY dangerous:

The MatLav IDE, showing the below code opened

 import pee; //Let people pee
 import poo; //Let people poop
 import accident; //Let people have an accident
 import world; //Use package to select objects on the Earth
 import people; //Select people
 import time; //Control timing
 import random; //Choose random items
 //Select all people in the world
 people=world.search(all);
 for people in people {
     set x=0;
     while x==0 {
         set mylist=['peeing','pooing']
         action=random.choice(mylist)
         if action=='peeing' {
             person.accident.peeInThePants();
             console.log('Congrats! You PEED!')
         } else {
             person.accident.poop();
             console.log('Congrats! You POOPED!')
         }
     }
 }

Software

• MatLav IDE compiles your code ONLY IF your computer is running Windows 10. It will go to the restroom every 5 minutes and leave the application frozen for 10 minutes when it pees and 20 minutes when it poos.
• MatLav Framework includes a command-line interpreter.
• An example of MatLav Framework:

 MatLav Frameworks
 Version 12343.12387
 Copyright (C) Who Knows
 >>> import pee
 Operation took 100ms
 >>> pee()
 Okay, I'm peeing.
  _____________________
 |                     |    ███
 |                     |  __███__
 |                     |  \█████/
 |                     |   \███/
 |                     |____\█/______
 |                                  /
 |                                 /
 |                                /
 |                               /
 |______________________________/
 Time elapsed: 10:00
               ^^|^^
              Min|Sec
 >>> exit
 Cannot exit.
 >>> WHAT!?
 File <WhoKnowsWhatThisIs.exe>, line 1
 WHAT!?
 ^~~~~~
 No command was found for 'WHAT!?'.

• Desktop Shortcut Creator creates MatLav IDE shortcuts on your desktop so it's all full of icons.

Real-world Uses

• To potty-train dogs.

“Hey, you know my dog now goes to the toilet! [sofa gets filled with disgusting yellow liquid] What was that!? BAD DOG!”

~ An extremely satisfied user of MatLav on the App Store

And that's it.

Installation

1. Download a 600 MB iso from the website.

2. Burn it.

3. Go into your BIOS and set the boot order to boot from CD.

4. Press the Any Key to boot from CD.

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