Lightning McQueen
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This page in a nutshell: I am speed. |
The Rookie His Kachowness Pistonfex Maximus Lightning McQueen | |
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 This Kachowranium bust of Lightning McQueen is so valuable it is displayed in a super sophisticated protective forcefield in the basement of the Louvre guarded by 81% of the UN's peacekeeping forces. Odd, really?/ | |
| Ruler of all Automobiles from the Hillbilly Hell of Route 66 to the Concrete Jungle of the Los Angeles Speedway | |
| In office Rust–eze | |
| Preceded by | The Fab Hudson Hornet |
| Succeeded by | Jackson Storm |
| Personal details | |
| Born |
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| Died |
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| Spouse(s) | Bessie (divorced forever ago) Your mom (divorced yesterday) Sally McQueen (2018- present) |
| Children | 50 |
| Residence(s) | Your mom's house, Radiator Springs |
| Signature |  |
Lightning Mick, Queen of Carsland, commonly referred as Lightning the Great, Lightning McQueen, The Rookie, Stickers, God of Speed, or simply Lightning, was the most influential ruler of the Cars World Civilization situated on the oasis of the Route 66 Valley of North America, as well as the American Disney-animated-sexier-racecar version of Thomas the Tank Engine. Not much is known about his life, and the only records of his legacy are recorded in the three sacred movies of the Cars trilogy written and directed by the 40 Pixar Apostles.
The successor and apprentice of the nerdy boomer grandpa car Doctor Hudson, M.D., he relocated the imperial capital to the small but awesome town of Radiator Springs that quickly saw unprecedented economic growth. His invention of the amazing Rusteze bumper ointment brought peace and happiness throughout the entire world; now anybody, too, regardless of class or social standing, could look like him, just like in the commercial. Overall, he is perhaps best known for winning the Piston Cup a few dozen billion times in a row before eventually conquering the entire world in a campaign now known as the World Grand Prix.
To this very day, McQueen still brings inspiration to all beings within both the material and supernatural realms of the universe through his wise teachings to the way of Kachow that has supposedly revealed the meaning of life. However, it is estimated that it will take about 15 more eons to fully understand the ways of McQueen us humans are not yet capable of understanding, for that we are all still beta-males and beta-females compared to the almighty very famous racecar.
Early life[edit | edit source]
The arrival of McQueen[edit | edit source]
When Lightning was only a little Hotwheel, he was sent to Earth from Cybertron to start a new society on Earth. He came down on a lightning bolt whose electric charge was so high that it ended the ice age when Lightning McQueen hit the ground super freaking hard accompanied with a K A C H O W !
Childhood[edit | edit source]
McQueen was raised by the almighty John Ratzenberger, a shapeshifter from the Pixar Empire on Pizza Planet, who was able to turn into many things, like a human, a piggy bank, and this time a big rig truck.
Career[edit | edit source]
After graduating from Super Speed University, Lightning McQueen got a sensei's degree in both Speed, Bumper ointment chemistry, and Chick magnetism. Then decided to race, go to Japan, Italy and then the UK.