Latin Lover

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Latin Lover is a... show. It has sex in it, and it's from South America. It has an average budget of 1.34 and a plastic cup for each episode. It is also perhaps the only show where the sex scenes, instead of making people happy and warm, makes them cry and feel scared. Because there's only 3 of them each episode (or less!) and it's often involving either the world's biggest loser or a disgusting old man. So no one enjoys it. Except for freaks of nature.

Summary[edit | edit source]

Latin Lover was produced in the 90s and was a source of enjoyment for young boys every Friday and Saturday. Being the only show on TV that showed actual sex seen on regular cable TV.

Cast[edit | edit source]

  • Claudia: The most attractive of the people. She rarely gets naked, thus increasing our anger.
  • Rafael: A director who lets his pants choose his main actresses. Because of this, he is an immense procrastinator.
  • The Biggest Perverted Loser in the World, or A Loser Deserves Ownage (Abbreviated 'A.L.D.O.'): A man who fantasizes about every girl he sees. Even the ugly ones. And sometimes men. But especially the ugly ones. Despite his many shortcomings, perverted-ness, and loserage and suckassitude, he is never fired from his job, which leads many people to question the sanity of South Americans everywhere. He is also the world's biggest loser, followed very closely by Joe's friend who searches the world for the Ultimate Rush. On a serious note, Enrique Villa, Aldo's portrayer is the muscle stud of the series.
  • Renata: The Queen Bitch.
  • Lolita: Humbert's ho.
  • Samwell: Aforementioned disgusting old man. Despite being one of the ugliest people on the show, he gets more ass than a toilet seat. He also fell in love with his own daughter once. Then again, we can't tell who's his daughter, Deborah or Viviana? He is also the only person uglier than this other person.
  • Barbara: Some lady who frequently does it with Samwell. She has no taste because of this.
  • Omar: Used to be Claudia's man, but hooked up with Renata afterwards. After a while, he decided that he would descend with Aldo into the business of being a loser. He lives in a dumpster, last we hear of him.
  • Deborah: Either a rich woman's daughter or Samwell's.
  • Viviana: Either a rich woman's daughter or Samwell's.
  • Some Male Prostitute: Works as a plumber in his downtime. He's half-naked all the time, which is more than a little scary. However.... he's thicker and meatier than a Philly cheese steak.  :)
  • The Secretary: A secretary.

Reaction[edit | edit source]

The show was praised by fetishists and hick South Americans for having many elements they liked, from incest to pimping. However, it was criticised by the rest of the world for not having enough sex and for having some of the world champions of loserdom starring. It was made by Playboy International, and it is said to be a miserable failure for the company.