Larynx
The larynx (Larynxus larynxi) is a small timid woodland creature with three eyes, upholstered leather, prehensile nipples, a large outboard motor, and a BA degree in theology from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette.
Amongst the unlearnt masses, the larynx is oft confoosed with the larnyx, the lynx, the lorax, and the Lexus 450 (in spite of the fact that none of those four completely unrelated species actually has a motor).
Deuterium 7:17-24[edit | edit source]
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17 And God said unto Noah, Bring hither seven pairs of every kind of clean animal, and one pair of every unclean animal, and loadeth them up into the ark which thou hast built. 18 And Noah beheld the larynxa, and kneweth not whether it was clean or unclean, because the strange parts of the creature confused him exceedingly. And Noah inquired of the Lord, saying, What's up with this larynx that Thou hast created, anyway? 19 For it hath a BA degree in theology from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette like unto a clean animal, and it hath prehensile nipples like unto an unclean animal. And the very concept blowethb my circuits. 20 And the Lord pondered the larynx which He hath created, and proceeded to dig up the specifications of the positively weird creature from within His archived files. And the Lord didst peruse mightily the faded blueprints, and the genome sequences. And the Lord didst proceed to hem and to haw, and mumbled something unintelligiblec about taxonomic classifications, and tried to stall for timed. 21 And Noah saith unto the Lord, Well? 22 And the Lord saith unto Noah, Oh, screw it; calleth it clean. That way, there will be that many more for my burnt offerings after I bringeth thee through the flood waters, and... Hey! WTF, Noah! When I said to screw it, I didn'st mean for thou to taketh it so literally! Stop that, thou pervert! 23 And Noah wast ashamede by his temporary lapse of judgement. And the larynx had a cigarette afterwards. 24 And God immediately reversed Himself and pronounced the larynx unclean for all generations. |
18 a: larynx = Hebrew "Hahwavalah yahoo" (lit. woodland animal with elongated nipples). 19 b: bloweth, to explode with great force, as an overloaded fuse. 20 c: mumbled something unintelligible. God mercifully withholds His intermediate thought processes from Noah at this point, which teaches us to rely on His unfathomable methodology (compare Deut 5:17). 20 d: stall for time, possibly a mistranslation, since time has no meaning for God. Older and more reliable manuscripts do not have this phrase. 23 e: ashamed, lit. totally shitfaced. |