Landshark

The common landshark (Terraselachii discus disco) is the only known species of shark with a predominantly terrestrial lifestyle. Little is known about these rare and mysterious creatures, as their secretive behaviour makes them extremely hard to study. Their range seems to be centered around Europe, where they sometimes can be observed majestically gliding through shoals of unsuspecting partygoers.

Appearance and anatomy

The common landshark is an impressive sight. A typical specimen measures 1.5 m to 2 m in lenght, its shoulder height is around 180 cm. An adult shark can weigh in at around 350 kg, but much larger individuals have been observed in the wild. It's skin color ranges from pure white (the rare "great white landshark") to darker tans and browns, sometimes with an irregular, mottled appearance. It's skin is often covered in a dazzling display of glittering scales of various colors. The shark glides over the ground on several sets of leglike appendages that probably evolved from its missing caudal fin. One of its most unique features is its almost perfectly circular dorsal fin, situated to the rear of the landshark's body. It is typically bright white with some distinct markings, which can be used to uniquely identify the shark's origin.

Distribution and habitat

Landsharks can inhabit a wide range of climatic zones around the globe, but their major population lives in western Europe, from remote islands in the Mediterranean up to the colder parts of northern Germany. They are rarely observed in other parts of the world. Estimates for the worldwide landshark population vary widely, ranging from fewer than a dozen individuals up to several hundred. Despite the low numbers, landsharks are not included in the IUCN Red List of Threatened Species, as their number seems to have grown in recent years.

Behavior and ecology

Little is known about the landshark's lifestyle. They are migratory and mostly nocturnal creatures. For some poorly understood reason, they are drawn to gatherings of young, athletic people. Possibly they are attracted by loud music and the smell of spilled drinks on the air. They are equipped with a multitude of olfactory and auditory organs, with which they can detect a good party from miles away. While typically solitary in nature, whole shoals have been observed gathering on rare occasions. Usually they appear out of nowhere, then slowly and majestically glide through shoals of smaller fry for a few minutes before vanishing without leaving a trace.

Diet

Landsharks seem to cover most of their dietary needs by feeding on fermented liquids rich in ethanol. Other forms of food intake have not been observed.

Relationship with humans

Prior to the 1990, the common landshark as a species was only known to a few experts on terrestrial marine biology. It's appearance on various public gatherings made it known to a slightly wider audience, but it's existence remains a closely guarded secret amongst those lucky enough to observe one of these magnificent creatures in the wild.

While the large beasts may look imposing and even threatening to the uninformed public, they are generally completely harmless to humans. Due to their stealthy approach and ponderous movement, accidents can happen in rare instances.Should you find yourself in the path of one of these approaching giants, try to make room for it's quiet passage lest you be trampled by its multitude of feet.

Landsharks can act aggressively towards attempts at documenting its appearance by filming or photograpy, so these activities should generally be avoided if a landshark is lurking in the area. They can be attracted by chumming with various liquors. One should be careful not to habituate them to the practice lest their numbers get overwhelming. Due to their migratory nature, landsharks cannot be kept in captivity to be studied.

Trivia

The appearance of a landshark on any party is supposed to spell good luck for the rest of the night.

Unconfirmed eyewitness reports claim to have seen Poseidon, the ancient Greek god of the sea, riding across the crowds on a huge landshark.