Kris Kross

“Once there was this dude, and he got hard from kids. No one knew why, but they think it had something to do with sharks from space that swam through the air, eating all the gravity around his wang when he watched Sesame Street.”

~ Kriss Kross

“Nothing sounds more delightful than a couple of twelve-year-olds singing about ‘doing it’.”

~ Michael Jackson

“They combined aerobics and rap.”

~ Captain Dumbass

“Kriss was like, ummm, cool n stuff, then like, he turned into a wuss.”

~ Butthead

Kriss Kross were a rap group that made you wanna jump. Formed by best friends Kriss Kobe, and Kross Bryant, they emerged in the early 90's with hit songs being heard on Ghetto Blasters everywhere with such titles as "Kriss Kross Will Make You Jump" and "Kriss Is Gonna Bitch Slap Yo Momma Ho While Kross Rapes Yo Sista's Toys". They had a success of two songs and then faded out of existence where they belonged.

XXX Tic Tac Toe

Kriss & Kross were exactly what was needed to be heard on the radio during the course of the dawning of the 1990s. Kids everywhere had been screaming out for a bunch of twelve-year-olds to sing about "doing it".

Kriss Kross broke new ground with their first single when they were only eight years old, titled: "One Day I Will Be Tall Enough To Ride You, Baby". The smash hit was a global phenomenon that made over $.12 for the adolescents. They won a Grammy for best new talent under the age of ten. Being as they were the only ones under ten, and the kid from Home Alone was not due to release his rap album till the following year, Kriss Kross received it the next morning.

Kriss Kross will make you jump, uh-huh

The follow up album When I'm allowed To Cross The Street On My Own, Imma Come Over And Give You Some Lovin' Girl contained the smash hit single that everyone remembers, even your mom, "Kriss Kross Will Make You ... Jump". The title of the song was true to its words, as every teenager who heard the song on the radio for the 100th time that day would end up jumping off buildings or in-front of cars to get away from hearing the damn thing again.

End of the road

Kriss and Kross? It's no big secret; they became teenagers, their balls dropped, and their voices changed into a couple of talentless hacks who couldn't write a decent song to save their sorry lives. No one heard from Kriss or Kross ever again, and the rest of the world lived happily ever after.

See also

• Pedophilia
• Kobe Bryant