Moisture
Moisture is the residue of humanity that collects at the crust of society. Incorrect recognition of moisture has been known to bring down entire civilisations. It is imperative therefore that you not only read this entry but then later have it tattooed on a visible part of your body, preferably in New Courier font so its really easy to read.
Types of Moisture[edit | edit source]
| There is only 1 type of Moisture: | ||
|---|---|---|
| Don't listen to them... | ||
The Megalomaniacal[edit | edit source] |
 Donald Rumsfeld |
This type of moisture is fairly robust and requires intense heat to evaporate. A decent burst of political pressure though and this moisture will very quickly dissolve into a more gaseous form, wiping smarmy faces off all other moisture in the close vicinity. |
The Gormless[edit | edit source] |
 Britney Spears |
Introduced into society to ease the pain of the teenage uprising of the 1960s The Gormless form of moisture rarely acts through thought or instinct, relying mainly on gravity to decide its motion. Gormless moisture has been known on occasion to suddenly evolve into The Sexually Liberated type. This is normally a consequence of mating with A Carnivorous Moisture or dropping a shitload of acid. |
The Sexually Liberated[edit | edit source] |
 Pope John Paul 2.0 |
The most liberated of the moistures is not an easy form to pin down. One moment The Sexually Liberated can be ruling the globe, each human soul in its grasp, the next minute it can be ushering forth decrees of insanity causing misunderstanding, bigotry, fascism and inevitably Megalomania. It is for this reason that The Sexually Liberated form of moisture is sometimes called 'The Semi-Megalomaniacal'. Sex, very often, doesn't even come into it. |
The Furry[edit | edit source] |
 Saddam Hussein |
The Furry moisture is the most evolved of the forms. It can both absorb itself and multiply itself at the same time. Surrounding most Furry moisture is a group of what is called 'Fundamentalists'. This Fundamentalist scum, if left unchecked, will abuse the words of The Sexually Liberated, the power of The Megalomaniacal, the seeming innocence of The Gormless and the incessant evil of The Carnivorous to its own ends. The Fury type look nice to pet at the beginning but give them millions of dollars to invest in chemical weapons and the outcome might be a little nasty. |
The Fictional[edit | edit source] |
 Jesus |
The Fictional form of moisture is by far the most renowned and popular variety. It is symbolic of humans osmotic properties that absorption of such moisture can and generally does happen instantaneously. Sadly it often takes a lifetime of pain to cast off the absorbed moisture, usually at the expense of having any clue about what is really going on around you. Without the danger though The Fictional form brings most joy simply because you don't have to put any effort into absorbing it. |
The Carnivorous[edit | edit source] |
 Joan Collins |
WARNING! This type of moisture is extremely volatile and has been known to consume all other forms of moisture. It is by far the most sexually promiscuous of the moistures and this is where most of its power lies - do not be fooled by the steam in ice clothing! Carnivorous moisture is perceived to be destined to rule the moistures, but in 5 million years of evolution all Carnivorous moisture has tended to do is destroy the other forms, slowly, by osmotic pressure. Evil is not the right word, but some words need saying anyway... |
History[edit | edit source]
It is claimed that someone once discovered moisture and then lost it again, but no one actually takes someone's claim for the truth. The fact of the non-matter is that moisture was invented, by accident, by famous neuroscientist Karl Marx in the years preceding The Industrial Revolution, but then forgotten, sold, evaporated and finally reconstituted as communism and sold to Russia, but mislabelled spam.
Somewhere else moisture exists, but this has yet to be proven and many who have believed it have ended up not being at all.