Jenny McCarthy
Jenny Talia "Jenny" McCarthy (born November 1, 1901) was a Louisiana politician and the first woman elected to the United States Senate without having previously been appointed to her position; she was also the first female senator to serve as a Republican and was an active legislator, drafting and seeing enacted 229 laws in her six-month tenure in the Senate.
Childhood[edit | edit source]
Jenny, or "Jenny" as she preferred to be known, was born to struggling vaudeville actors Mr. and Mrs. Kennerbunpot McCarthy of Pigsnot, Louisiana. In her youth, Jenny was a troubled girl. In 1916, at the age of 15, she ran afoul of the law by baring her breasts in public and violating the Louisiana state statute forbidding the shaving of pubic hair. During her jail sentence for these crimes, she was paid by fellow inmates to be sketched in what were later called Intimate Inmate Encounters v. 1 through 36 with other female convicts.
Having incurred 36 violations of prison regulations in her first week of incarceration, Jenny was remanded to a state mental institution for treatment of "aberrant coitus of the highly deviant kind". The entire Intimate Inmate Encounters series was seized as evidence, though no charges were ever filed. Five years later, Jenny was declared cured and released under heavy law enforcement surveillance.
Senate Career[edit | edit source]
Erection[edit | edit source]
Upon her release in 1921, Jenny immediately ran for the US senate. Although the idea of permitting a woman any legislative power was deeply repulsive to the sexist bigots of the day, they hoped that her performance and breast-baring in the hallowed Senate House would permanently discredit her gender and thus remove any possibility of further female representatives.
Given her criminal record and time in an insane asylum for sexual depravity, electors universally agreed that Jenny was the most qualified candidate to represent Louisiana, beating out the incumbent Wesley "Accomplished Felon" McBarns (D) and Republican nomination challenger Denzel "Pig Rapist" Muggwarts on her path to the Senate.
Legislative Endeavours[edit | edit source]
Jenny was best known for the Potato Skin Act (1921), which made it illegal for potatoes to develop skins. Under her law, potatoes with skins were punished by being flayed in kitchens all over the US. Although they were consumed in almost all cases after being flayed, this was not actually a provision of the Potato Skin Act until it was amended in 1923.
Jenny also led the congressional inquiry into the control of the emerging film industry by deaf cabalists. Her brow-beating of the deaf, who feigned not to understand the abusive questioning, led to their utter humiliation before the nation. This paved the way to replace the deaf with a more representative control over the film industry, and led to the release of the first "talkie" in 1922: Talky McTalkerson Talks To Two Talking Tumbling Tornadoes That Talk (no stars).
Political Downfall[edit | edit source]
A mere six months after her election, Jenny was under heavy fire. A scandal had emerged concerning nudity and her sexual behaviour before the Senate. While she was able to face down the charge that "she had failed, even once to bare her breasts to the Senate" as demonstrably false, a thorough investigation revealed she had given up pubic shaving and lesbianism entirely. She was impeached.
Later Life[edit | edit source]
Jenny vanished into the hills of Louisiana. Before she left, she held a press conference, declaring, "I go before my beauty fades and my legislative track record of creative stupidity is overtaken by a Republican president named for the hair on my nether region."
Analysis[edit | edit source]
Jenny was a pioneer for the women's movement, proving that through substandard pornography, large mammaries, and pubic shaving, any woman could briefly obtain political power whereupon she would be subjected to a double-standard. Thanks to her efforts, a handful of women are currently working hard in the US Senate while attempting to dodge bottom smacks and sexist humour. Her.
Autism[edit | edit source]
Jenny is also a nutcase bitch when it comes to causally linking the vaccination of children with autism. The decrease in herd immunity that has resulted from the subsequent anti-vaccination hysteria literally kills children of otherwise preventable diseases like whooping cough. So Jenny the woo-woo queen is pretty much a murderous fucking moron. Who would marry Jim Carrey other than a moron? Jenny's fat whore friend Oprah Winfrey helps peddle this nonsense by having pseudo-scientific nutjobs like Jenny on her show without presenting the opposite point of view, which is actually supported by solid evidence. Jenny should stick to getting her tits out and giving Jim an occasional blowjob.
Seems like forever an a day
If my intentions are misunderstood Please be kind I've done all I should I won't ask of you What I would not do Oh, I saw the damage in you My fortunate one The envy of youth
Why would they Tell me to please those That laugh in my face When all of the reasons They've taught us Fall over themselves To give away
It's not a question Whether my heart is true Streamlined I had to pull through Look for a new Beginning on you Oh I got a message for you Up and away It's what I got to do Forgive what you have For what you might lose
What would you say If I told you that I'm to blame And what would you do If I had to deny your name Where would you go if I told you I love you And then walked away N' who should I turn to If not for the ones You would not save I told you when I found you If there were doubts you Should be careful and unafraid
Now They surround you And all that amounts to Is love that you fed by Perversion and pain
So if my affections Are misunderstood And you decide I'm up To no good Don't ask me to Enjoy them Just for you
Ask yourself Why I would choose To prostitute myself To live with fortune and shame Oh yeah When you should Have turned to the hearts Of the ones That you could not save
I told you When I found you All that amounts to Is love that you fed by Perversion and pain