Information technology
Information technology is a relatively new concept created by Walkers Crisps. It was developed during the early stages of a campaign to raise the sales of the failing crisp company. At the time, a back office clerk named Derek came up with the idea of "it", however soon after Derek had created the idea, it was outsourced to India, and Derek lost his job.[1]
The Indians (dots and Bollywood not feathers and gambling) with the new idea of it created a strategy with a man now known as Bill Gates to create and market the idea of it – it is a form of Zen-like readiness seen only in Jedis, Paul O'Connell and Bill Clinton.
Rewards[edit | edit source]
Once a person had successfully collected the five crisp packets, he/she/it would then be rewarded with a plastic box which they could sit in front of for 28 hours a day looking at something called the internet – which a man called Al Gore invented.
The Way Forward[edit | edit source]
Information Technology or "it" was quickly realised as the way to get out of the 1980s; before this a lot of people had been stuck and soon large companies and strange men were seen to be collecting crisp packs at a phenomenal rate.
Walkers crisp was growing faster than it ever could have expected, with this new found money it changed its name to "GOOGLE" fortify its presence on the internet. Before we knew it, "information" about where to find naked women was flowing faster than ever before and with it Google was bought over by Larry Flint. Larry Flint and his team of engineers proceeded to create a magical world of numbers and pictures where the whims of any person could be catered for.
Height of popularity[edit | edit source]
After "it" reached its peak in 2000, children as young as 6 were creating an online company, floating it on the stock market and making a trillion dollars in a matter of minutes. When what it's now known as ("the bubble") burst, 103 billion people lost their jobs. (Two died from it and one is still in a wheel chair.)
It subsequently took 17 minutes for the world to recover from this set back.
Today[edit | edit source]
In the early 2010s, things began to get back on track for "it" specialists, and it is now believed that some people in the industry may even be able to make human contact ...
The industry has been destroyed thanks to what we now know as a nerd.[2]
Notes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ Now a leading entrepreneur in Peckham, Derek delivers it from a three-wheel yellow van.
- ↑ A strange-smelling, odd-looking contraption spawned from the nether regions of Cork, populating through incest and religious cults to produce a race of hideously obese people. Utterly incapable of human interaction and cleanliness, it is instantly recognisable from a distance and so gives you ample time to cross the street (avoid it).