Inappropriately Designed Light Fixtures

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Traditional forms of lighting offer a limited spread of light.

Created by LuxDongs, a company formed by a group of former students from the de Shaft School of Architecture, in Giggleswick, Inappropriately Designed Light Fixtures was a follow on from their failed attempt to make it big in the music industry. Rather than remaining disheartened the group focused on the rigid form favoured amongst the de Shaft movement

Following a visit to America the group was appalled at the weird random "boxstyle" popular amongst Frank Lloyd Wright designed light fixtures within many of the buildings they visited, however a pre-Christmas stroll would change all that. Recognising the popularity of phallic-related lighting during the Christmas period, the students returned with gusto to their training, and by the end of January 1969 they had perfected their first model.

A Tin Teardrop[edit]

An aggressive marketing campaign that saw them banned from all future Superbowls followed the launch of the "Penetrating Darkness" range, but was a ploy that paid off, with the ongoing media shitstorm in the press providing the fledgling company with much needed publicity. By the mid 1970s it was estimated that one in every eight homes in the US had one of their light-fittings. In 1974 Irish crooner Van Morrison recorded a stream-of-consciousness narrative released under the title "Bulb" which was thought by some to convey the singers deep emotional attachment to a set of Inappropriately Designed Light Fixtures that he be purchased during a tour of the US. Others think that he was just rambling and possibly on drugs. In either case, the song became on unofficial theme tune to the range of products that LuxDongs produced during the 1970s.


From the beginning of the Electrical Age during the 19th Century Victorian values of modesty sort to limit even mildly inappropriate designs. In 1890 a Papal Edict declared that all pert breast-like lightbulbs must be concealed beneath full length "shades" often heavily decorated to hide the smooth, succulent contours of the bulb's dome. This same approach was taken on amongst the various Protestant faiths in an attempt to out-Catholic the Catholic Church, such that by the middle of the 20th Century anyone revealing more than 12mm of a bulb was charged with Gross Moral Turpitude, given a hefty fine and subjected to a public spanking.

"Rise and Shine" with our Morning Glory range of light fittings.

By the time of the initial release of the LuxDong "Gentleman's Excuse Me!" range during the summer of 1969, most Conservatives were focused on Woodstock, Vietnam and bloody Hippies, and so the launch went completely under the radar of the popular press.

Lady's Glow in the Dark Package[edit]

If you ignore the fact that it glows through the bedsheet when someone enters your room, this inappropriately designed light fixture can be considered quite helpful.

Sex toys were stil fairly uncommon in the second half of the 20th century, despite a popularization of the culture of sexuality, for the simple reason that the lucky few knew how to handle the new invention. As a consequence, it would often disappear in between the bedsheets, fall under the bed or out the window (if the bed happened to stand nearby). This meant that whenever a couple tried to spice things up a little, they often ended up spending the better part of the night crawling in the room in search for the toy. Turning on light would be avoided at all cost, for fearing of turning of the romance and alarming the kids and the neighbors.

The Lady's Glow in the Dark Package was originally designed as a remedy to the problem, but soon enough blurred all possible lines between sources of light and pleasure. Its real function would soon become a great subject of speculation, especially when one such light fixture would fall out a lady's or a gentleman's pocket. A handy thing to carry around, this product has unfortunately never made it to the pocket lamp market, being of little use to someone wishing to explore beyond the cavities of his own body.

Also Tapered[edit]