HammerFail is a Swedish progressive epic symphonic post punk/polka brutal alternative power metal band from the 1323 founded by J.K.J.I.U.J.K. Rowling. Their singer Joakim Canns (born André de Montbard) was the fifth Grandmaster of the Knights Templar before he shifted his focus. He teamed up with a couple of fellow crusaders and, according to legend and Heeding The Call, found a time-machine which enabled them to travel to 1998.
But before leaving his time to go to the future, sir Canns formed in Jerusalem an order of heavy metallers, The holy riffers. Since the crusades times this order has expanded in all the middle-east, and today it's focal point is in the mighty city of Byblos, hometown of the ruler of the holy riffers, the grand drummer Joe Francis...(but this is another story...)
They made their first record in 1997 - which confuses when compared to the above - and since then they've
crusaded toured all over Europe - excluding Turkey because of the vast number of heathens inhabiting the province.
In 2005, their Genocide With The Hammer tour got Sweden on the verge of being sanctioned by the U.N.
Discography[edit | edit source]
Albums[edit | edit source]
- Yogi In The Cave (1997)
- Legacy of Kain (1998)
- Ice Capades (2000)
- Chimps In Leather (2002)
- Chapter V: Unfit, Unattractive, Unfuckable (2005)
- Doorstep (2006)
- No Mountain Feist, No Hunting Trip (2009)
Singles[edit | edit source]
- Cleaning The Bowl (1998)
- I Want Alf (1999)
- Ice Capades (2000)
- I'm On Fire (2002)
- Natural Light (2006)
- Actual Guy (2007 B.C.) - during their glam phase after traveling a few thousand year back.
- Feeding The Troll (1998)
DVDs[edit | edit source]
- The First Crusade (1999)
- The Subsequent Jihad (2002)
- Frozen Lungs (2002)
- One Crimson Night (2003) - in person
Known for[edit | edit source]
- Smashing heathens with their hammers
- Smashing pagans with their hammers
- Smashing vampires with their hammers
- Smashing Pumpkins with their hammers
- Smashing enemies of the steel with their hammers
- Smashing Republicans with their hammers
- Smashing Jews with their hammers, until the nazi stronghold was thwarted by, ironically, their hammers.
- Smashing Nazis with their hammers (see above)
- Dressing up like barbarians and go around trashing hotel rooms. They particularly like televisions for the reason of throwing them down to the pavement to see their guts.
- Guitarist Oscar Dronjak has said the reason he makes YouTube videos of himself diving off balconies is because he does not like his head, and wishes to undergo a head transplant from the late warmonger supreme Ronald Raygun in the year 3000.