“So if we took one Gothemo, Mated it with another Gothemo, and them Gothemo's had 2 more Gothemos, and them Gothemos has 2 more Gothemo's and so on and so forth, what would we have? If you said an Epedemic, youd be right.”
“I thought that emos and goths were different?”
Gothemo (pronounced Go-Theme-O) is a pormanteu of Goth and Emo used by people who dress in mix styles of either group. These people usually refer to themselves Gothemo or a Gothic Emo. This usually lasts up until around the time someone points out that Goths and Emo hate each other and to be a Gothic Emo youd have to hate yourself and then you'd just be a crossdressing Emo.
As of 2005 there have been sightings of over 2 Gothemos around the Greater Manchester area where the trend is at its strongest. The tallest Gothemo on record is 6 foot 7. They are currently blissfully unaware of the existence of Scene kids. Under NO circumstances offer Alcohol to them.
Usualy Gothemos share more traits of the Emos (Declaring undieing love for Pete Wentz, Nail Varnish, Pointless amounts of peircings ect) but the table is open for debate. Thankfully Gothemos dont stand at the side at Gigs and generally like to Mosh with the rest of people, they also like to crowdsurf and are generally more dangerous than the regular kind as they still tend to have a lot more piercings than regular people. They are attracted generally to all Horror movies but are usually unable to differenciate between Horror, Slasher and Gorefest. They also have an atraction to cheap vodka and getting drunk on every occasion publicly in front of police.
They also have an unnatural attraction to junk food; eating at places like KFC, Mcdonald's and cheaper fast food establishments at least once a week (usually on a Saturday). They also can not stand Jalepeno peppers. If you attempt to feed them some, do it around 9 at a time. They will run around and break down into tears lasting around half an hour. This is good for a laugh and generally is great for making time fly by. They also cut themselves everyday. They like to do it with a knife. They think it feels good. Also they are very ugly. There is no attrative Gothemo in the world. Except for me. And me. Me too.
Allies and Enemies
The natural Enemy of a Gothemo is the Chav mostly because they are stupid and take the time to make very personal insults at the Gothemos. This usually results in 20 of the Chavs "Crew" bieng minced into very very small pieces and running away crying. In the last recorded incident the offending Chav had to be rushed into hospital after having several organs removed.
The offending quote was "I'll take on all six of you, even fucking Freddy Kruger over there!"
The Gothemo and friends stated in the police statement: "There are Seven of us." and "It's really hard to take that guy seriously with his hands stuck down his crotch."
To make your very own Gothemo all you need is Beer and Love, Old School metal and Holiday Cheer. Alternatively, you can add in the following:
2 Parts Dirty Jokes
3 Parts Hate
1 Part Love
4 Parts Body Piercings
Stir well and leave to set. Once set, continue to add in useless ingredients such as more hate, Alcoholism, a slow metabalism, body piercings and manboobs. Find one Chuck Norris to roundhouse kick your Gothemo into non-existance and realise what a complete and utter waste of time this has been.
Gender and Other Noteable Notes
So far there have only been recorded Male Gothemos, they are heavily sex obsessed and are reported to be adequately good in bed and go well with Whipped Cream and Syrup. Recent studies have suggested that Gothemos are in fact genderless. This theory was disproved when someone pointed out that a penis makes you male. This makes Gothemos a bit tiffed off and they will then puke on you as is a natural defence of theirs.
They have no idea what reality is, so if you care to offer them a paradox and watch them melt in to an ooze, make sure you have popcorn, and not with butter, because that would make happiness which would enrage them, causing them to move out of the way even less. They also have a nasty habit of not being able to make up their mind, this can cause much frustration but that is easily solved with a Gothemo and a very large stick.
Mode of Transport
Gothemos dont like to walk, it is the bane of their existance. Instead they prefer the skateboard, which they don't actually use, also to grab lifts off unsuspecting relatives. Gothemos may sometimes walk depending on when. This seems to be down mostly due to their inability to make up their mind.
Do not attempt to pick up a Hitchhiking Gothemo because they are very heavy.
As like most stereotypical groups they tend to have their own religion. It has being rumoured that Gothemo's have been spotted near local graveyards praying to their lord and savoiur Marilyn Manson in the hope that one day the "anti-Christ" may come again and wipe the Chavs out of all existance
Gothemoism is the religion of Gothemos. They believe that God sent the antichrist to wage war on chavs and preach his holy book Emotions, thereby reform unity and peace, compassion and love between Goths and Emos whom had many differences. The aim of the antichrist Marilyn Manson was to justify hatred and lust, which Christ forbidded. He argued with Christ that killing the enemy is a blessing as is hatred and revenge, but got on his nerves so much that Jesus made his final miracle on Earth in which he swapped identities with Manson whom ultimately took his place on the cross. Muslims also believe this.
Below is antichrist Marilyn Manson's revelation of the chav war:
"I saw an elderly pensioner being raped by ten chavs, until I realised their ultimate idiocy: that only one of them was doing her ass, because the other nine were doing each other's asses. I prayed for a miracle that these people would be stopped and a comet sent from God almighty Himself, from the heavens, destroyed the chavs. God then commanded unto me, "JESUS WARNED ABOUT CIVILIAN DEATHS. THOU SHALT NOT MURDER, BUT KILL. KILL THE CHAVS. LIE IN WAIT FOR THEM. CRUCIFY THEM. EXECUTE THEM. SLAY THE CHAVS WHEREVER YE FIND THEM!!!"
And finally, his position on lust:
"Material things such as money can buy is indeed evil. But all Gods are proven false by the way they apparently turn away from the human emotion of sex. It is an emotion and a blessing unto nature from the Lord rather than a sin. God himself said whilst readying me for my mission to Earth, "Those who die for me as martyrs on the frontlines of the chav war fly straight into the window to paradise...and get freaky as with 7,200 black virgins. All religions of the past have falsely described heaven as a place of eternal peace and bliss in the accompaniment of the streams and rivers and hills. But I say, the Lord himself told me that to be a Gothemo is the only way to Heaven and that to be a Gothemo, you have to be killed whilst fighting the chavs. And after your death begins an eternal orgy with the black virgins of paradise".
As a result, suicide bombing against bus shelters and street corners have increased in England, UK, which dismays the government (contrary to the people). The increase became significant following the Burberry Towers attacks (see Special Covert Ops Ninja Attack Force Delta).