Goats Liberation Front
The Goats Liberation Front (GLF) is a terrorist/peaceful protest organisation formed in September 3rd 2003 by world renowned Ceramic artist and five times winner of "Country Curl" magazines "Best Bouffant" award, Sir Ramix. Sir Ramix had been watching a repeat of Animal Hospital on UKTV Gold when, after a Goatist outburst by presenter Rolf Harris, he decided someone had to champion the cause of Goats, but having neither the attention span nor the financial backing it was several months before he took action. The Group are recognised as masters of the game of Terrorist Attack.
The group was originally designed to be the militant wing of the RSPCA (in response to Animal Hospitals support for the rival animal charity the PDSA) but the Queen later withdrew her royal patronage and funding when a controversial leaked memo from her to the group turned up in a bulletin on the internet site Myspace, the group then went underground. This was seen as an all time low for the Royal family and the since this time the Queens Myspace friends count has lowered to from 8 to 7 as a result of Tom Anderson (the public face of Myspace) famously deleting her from his friends list.
Leadership[edit | edit source]
- September 2003 - February 2004 : Sir Ramix
- February 2004 - March 2004 : Steve Prosser
- March 2004 - August 2007 : Heinz Tomato Soup
- August 2007 - Present : An unknown Swedish Black Metal Goat
- Present - 2600: A wooden sculpture of a goat
- 2600 - 2800: A chop of mutton
- 2800 - 3001: Me
- 3001 - 3002: You
- 3002 - 3002+2i: Your corpse
where i is the imaginary unit. Sir Ramix was never a popular leader in the group due to the leaked memo scandal, with 3 out of the 11 strong group bothering to vote in the survey, 2 out of the 3 voted him a poor leader. The final straw for the group came in early 2004 when Sir Ramix kidnapped the much loved Blue Peter Cats, Kari and Oke and sealed them in a ceramic vessel. This publicity stunt cost the group its strong child following and lost Sir Ramix his seat on the panel for the Blue Peter Books Awards 2004.
In march 2004, in a popular move, a tin of Heinz Tomato Soup is reported to have over powered Sir Ramix in a brawl outside a pub in Camden, in a dispute over the age old question "Pepsi-VS-Coke" and taken leadership of the group, Sir Ramix gained notoriety in the British Media by claiming in a sunday newspaper whilst still heavily intoxicated:
| “ | He's A Cut Price Brand | ” |
Later that day the tin of soup held a press conferance where it denied all such allegations.
The G.L.F are at present satisfied with there leadership if there properganda is to be believed.
The current leadership has been praised as "efficient and cost effective" by the Womens Institute, and has taken the G.L.F's activities from laughable stunts such as those seen by the Salvation Army to a new high of political activity and notoriety seconded only by The Grinch. Indeed the G.L.F have gone some way to restoring there former popularity among the young and since this time many prominent CBBC stars have now declared support for the Goats Liberation Front. Most have not admitted to being members with the exception of long time Newsround presenter and Harry Potter fan, Lizo Mzimba.
Activities[edit | edit source]
During an episode of hit tv drama 'LOST', the G.L.F hacked into the Channel 4 system and dubbed the voice of Hurley, Hurley said:
| “ | Gee-Whiz Jack being alone on this island sure has given me the time to contemplate on life and I have decided that it would be wrong to exploit goats for my own dietary or sexual needs | ” |
Channel 4 only became aware of this after 3 minutes into an impromptu musical number about the advantages of lamb as a cheap substitute to goat, an anonymous caller asked:
| “ | If Hurley does it with the goats so often why doesn't he lose weight? | ” |
The Caller received his answer on BBC1 show 'Points Of View' where Terry Wogan answered:
| “ | He doesn't lose wieght because he eats them afterwards | ” |
Since this time Terry Wogan has become a target for the G.L.F, Notably in 2005 at the 'Savoy Hotel' in London he received a box of chocolates, from a woman know only by the name Genuinely Lovely Female, It later emerged these were in fact the digested remnants of his favorite Christmas Jumpers.
Enemies[edit | edit source]
- Terry Wogan
- RSPCA
- PDSA
- Rolf Harris
- My Chemical Romance (For kidnapping an teenage goat and made her commit suicide)
- James Reeve-Baker
- Grues
- The Whole Art Nouveau Scene
- Scientology (Falsly believed to test on animals)
- Marty McFly
- Jamaicans
- Jamaica
- Goat Curry
- Ivory Merchants
- Sheep
- Kitten Huffing
- Moderaterna (Due to their reversed Robin Hood-policy)
Future Plans[edit | edit source]
Sir Ramix, not being the most sober of people, had the habit of announcing Terrorist Attack's several lunar months before they were intended to happen, for example, the attack on Pearl Harbour, do not be surprised if you have never heard of this event as it was announced so far in advance every one forgot and no one bothered to turn up to be attacked. Other planned attacks include:
- Putting cling film over Tony Blair's toilet.
- Releasing shaved Monkeys into evangelical churches screaming "Behold Evolution".
- Sir Ramix is also known to be singing the 2014 French song entry in the Eurovision song contest, titled "Viva La Goat". This may coincide with another attack against Terry Wogans already diminishing career.