CBBC
 | This article may be Overly British |
“I never liked it; too childish.”
“Bye.”
CBBC is the brand name for the BBC's children's television output, aimed at children aged 4-12 years (that's in case you wondered why there were so many 'breaking wind' sound effects and abrupt raucous laughing in every programme). The service was first launched 67 years after World War I (11th November 1985). It is dead.
Launch[edit | edit source]
The first slot started at 3:55pm with Play School with Paella Benjamin and Brian Idiot, followed by 'Noel's Game Show' and 'Newsround' with Jonathan Craven (who nowadays holds an obsessive interest in the Countryfile calendar). The presenter at the time, John Sweeney, had a marionette companion called 'Mr. Ben' (named after the David McKee character). Next year, the Children's BBC slot decided to have more of an American influence and so went behind the scenes to find out how Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles are made. The graphic scenes were then cut and John Sweeney was replaced with Phillip Schofield. A few years later, Phillip made the mistake of broadcasting the BBC One globe before an episode of 'King Rollo' and was subsequentley sent to the BBC's soundproof cell until bosses came up with a punishment. Phillip was fired the next morning.
The 90's[edit | edit source]
The 1990's were a year when comedians such as Bobby Davro and Mike McClean rose to prominence, and also a decade of great children's television (according to housebound 24-year-olds although thay had arthur). All of the brooms were taken out of a utility room and a few monitors, children's pictures, a gas lift chair, desk and Betacam were set up in it. This was to become the Broom Cupboard, and it was where Andi Peters would introduce the programmes such as 'Get Your Michelin Star Back' (this was later revived on Channel 4 as 'Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares') and 'Bodger & Gopher'. Andi's puppet companion was a duck called Edd and a butler who I've forgotten the name of. 1997 saw CBBC move to 'Studio 9', a room in which obsessive Paul Young fans were stored during his performances. The biggest star of CBBC has to be 'Otis the Aardvark' a ferocious sexual deviant who flirted with stand-up comedians from North East England and made sh*te jokes. Unfortunatley, he was later demoted to the BBC canteen as he wasn't to clash with American-imported cartoon 'Arthur'. In an interview with the Daily Express, he said "The little bastard looks nothing like me."
Today[edit | edit source]
Nowadays, the CBBC slot is hosted by Iain and a Dog Called Hacker, they ask children to partake in their jolly japes such as sending in pictures of lamposts and made up words. If that isn't stupid enough, on Mornings CBBC is hosted by the two Fat ass bandits from Tracy Beaker who seem to have a fetish for chicken nuggets. Instead of catering for children up to sixteen, programmes such as Grange Hill have been reduced to the level of stupidity, bordering on embarrassing - as to keep in with the new 4-12 year target audience. One of the most controverial of these programmes would be 'Penis and porn In Da House' in which Tom Cruise appeared as a fifth Househead, and got squirted in the face during 'Babba Poorly Mama'. He said to Penis and porn "You're jerks!" and walked off the show to have sex with orphan children. Sadly, it died when CBC died.
MyCBBC[edit | edit source]
Obviously by the name, it is an attempt to make another MySpace (with a spoonfull of Habbo Hotel) rip-off. On this site, kids can shape, make and create their own blog and prepare for other ones like Bebo and Piczo. The two most viewed members of MyCBBC are Michael Jackson and Josef Fritzel. Like CBBC, it died too.
Programmes[edit | edit source]
None.
Other Shows (See: Nobody Cares)[edit | edit source]
None.