Free trial

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Diagram of how a free trial works

Free trial is a commonly used Internet phrase meaning "an extremely expensive payment must be deducted every day from your bank account, following which your house, car and family will be lawfully transferred to the ownership of this website." It is commonly used in websites although the extremely costly nature of free trials has meant they have become unpopular.

Most free trials require a minimum of around $50-$100 first payment with weekly or monthly recurring payments of around $40 or $160 respectively. Music websites offer free trials for membership of their sites for around $200 plus additional free payments of $10-$20 for each song downloaded. Pornography sites are known for the most expensive of all free trials, costing anywhere up to $1000 for most free trials there.

Origins[edit | edit source]

The Free Trial was invented in the year 69, and was an attempt to entice buyers into enjoying their product so much that they needed to buy it; this was often achieved with Drugs. In recent years, the function has expanded so that Free Trials actually cost the user a small sum, and the addictive substances have been removed. This is by far the cheaper option, and is better for the economy, allowing porn to become one of the largest industries--With the advent of the internet, this has only increased the market share.

Psychological Appeal[edit | edit source]

You see, all humans have been searching for things that are free--ever since they first discovered sexual feelings for their mother. The problem however, is that giving things away for free is bad for the economy, and humans also like money reflected by their phallic stage. The best solution therefore is to lie.

Freud on Free Trials

Freud has done extensive research on the Free Trial, and on male sexual identity. His conclusion is that Free Trials are medically approved, and logistically viable. After making this statement, Freud later had a minor accident in his brand new Porsche caused by reading from the massive stack of magazines in the passenger seat.

Please Buy Now[edit | edit source]

Your 30 minute free trial for this article has expired. To continue reading this article, please consider purchasing this article here for a low price of $24.95. Paypal and hostages are accepted.

See Also[edit | edit source]